{sushicat}

"trying to fit the world inside a picture frame"

2010-05-25T09:21:00.004-06:00

The running family joke is 'go blog about it' and while I enjoy it {especially the comments} I don't have the same desire to jump on and share. Something has shifted and while I like having a visual reminder of the way I spend my days, when it comes down to it I rather just keep enjoying life than stop to 'go blog about it'. I heard this song by an artist I don't care for much, but the lyrics are perfect for how I feel.

I'm writing you to catch you up on places I've been
You held this letter probably got excited,
But there's nothing else inside it

Didn't have a camera by my side this time
Hoping I would see the world with both my eyes
Maybe I will tell you all about it
When I'm in the mood
To lose my way
With words

Today skies are painted colors of a cowboy's cliche'
And strange how clouds that look like mountains
In the sky are next to mountains anyway

Didn't have a camera by my side this time
Hoping I would see the world with both my eyes
Maybe I will tell you all about it
When I'm in the mood
To lose my way but let me say

You should have seen that sunrise
With your own eyes
It brought me back to life
You'll be with me next time I go outside
No more 3x5's

Guess you had to be there
Guess you had to be with me
Today I finally overcame
Tryin' to fit the world inside a picture frame
Maybe I will tell you all about it
When I'm in the mood
To lose my way but let me say

You should have seen that sunrise
With your own eyes
It brought me back to life
You'll be with me next time I go outside
No more 3x5's
Just no more 3x5's

{song by John Mayer}

Another sun filled afternoon spent with Grandma's playing the usual game of choice. {She didn't take any prisoners this time, wiped me right out w/out even an apology.}

the third milestone

2010-05-05T22:48:00.001-06:00

'CHUBBY BUNNY' - LUKE CHUEH

Today was the day for another milestone. The third in a trifecta that I've been focused on for the last year now. Portfolio. Graduation. Pitch my clinic idea to the guys in the Humanitarian Division at the Church Office Building. Check. Check. And check.

After each of these days I've woken up with the realization that I'm hurtling through all kinds of huge cross roads in my wee life. Every decision seems to be leading somewhere. But this isn't news to me, I know this is common in life. I guess being more aware of it at this given momentmakes making decisions feel monumental.

In the mix of all this 'soul searching' it has been nice to reconnect with old interests and find new ones. I'm reveling in the freedom of spending my time as I please. I picked up some new toys today at the art store. Block printing is up on the 'must try' list.
Graduation came with a short lived {2 day max} depression. Talking with friends I'm finding this is a common occurrence but all the same I hid from the possibility of being sad and threw myself into work and making the third milestone happen.

I met with a group of gentlemen today to talk to them about the project that has kept me up nights and has had me digging through any information online about shipping containers I can get my hands on. As I prepared for the meeting today I was very aware of how little I know. I fought with the appealing idea to cancel the meeting. I wanted to pretend like I haven't been driven by the need to see this thing through. It's weird, but I feel like it is almost a responsibility to not give up on this thing.
So now on this side of this milestone I feel.... encouraged. Even smaller, but like I can make things happen if I want to make them happen. Like that chubby bunny at the top of this post, I feel like my dreams are out of my reach but 'all I have is money and time' so why not just keep grabbing for them right?

{That saying 'all I have is money and time' is something Koreans say and I really like it for the irony.}

catching up over curry

2010-05-02T19:52:00.005-06:00

My boss's grandson Ben likes to hang out with me when he comes to work to see his grandparents. He's five. We talk about whatever and yesterday we happen to be talking about what he plans to do when he grows up. It went down like this:

Ben says super nonchalantly, "Yeah, I'll either be President of the United States or a Rock Star."
I said, "Very cool, I'll tell people I used to know you."
He sighed and said, "But I'll tell them I don't know you."

Funny kid. Already the fame has gone to his head.
After work my friend Di called and said our friend Ali was here for just a few more hours before heading home to Canada. Ali is a one of kind person and it turns out her family is very cool too. It was raining buckets when we met Ali at Temple Square. We walked a couple blocks and piled into their van with them. Where to eat was the question and when we narrowed down the selections to Thai or Italian I suggested my favorite Thai place just a couple blocks away, Sawadee.
We had a great time catching up and making plans for possible trips in the future. I met these girls on the Comfort and they both travel a ton. I love having friends who love to travel. I'm ready for an adventure. Canada sounds great. Especially in July when it would be a nice, cool break from the desert heat.

our fears are only

2010-04-23T23:52:00.002-06:00

Parts of songs just seem to stick to me. "Our fears are only what we tell them to be" from part of a Norah Jones song hangs around and makes me smile. Personal U2 favorite, "I still don't know what I'm looking for" came along tonight and also made me smile for completely different reasons.
I just had a gorgeous day. Rainy and quiet at work, I was able to concentrate on bidding a job that scares me. I like being scared. I went to a design event that I won't really touch on here because for once I'm just not really in the mood to talk design {woah, right?}
Dinner afterward with people who I think are wonderful. It was one of those moments where I could really sit back, look around me and think I'm so lucky to know people like this.
My dear friend Lorri and I were still ready to play after dinner as everyone scattered so we meandered in the general direction of a ping pong table. {yes, I have them scouted out for such occasions.} Along the way we talked architectural details, one of our favorite reoccurring conversations, and then we battled it out with that little white ball that makes such a satisfying 'ping' noise I absolutely can't get enough of it. I love it so much the back part of my head gets tingly if I get too excited about it. That never happens any other time. I think I was meant to be a ping pong champion.
We were a hazard on the road because we were still on the architectural detail thing so we stopped and walked for blocks around the avenues picking favorites and picking things apart of course. Critical eye never sleeps.
It is times like that where I feel like I am right where I'm supposed to be in life. Or right on the cusp of it. Do you know this feeling? Like I'm completely content at the same time as feeling like there is so much that I'm missing. It isn't a frustrating thing, it feels like a chilled version of anticipation. That doesn't make sense does it? But it does to me. It is a familiar feeling. Just like the U2 lyrics, I am still looking but I know what it is and I know it'll come, but I'm not in any hurry so I'm enjoying every moment twice for fear of not appreciating my life properly.
Wow, tangent, glad the cat is truly back. It wouldn't be my blog without rambling entries about nothing and everything at once.

confessions of a color junkie

2010-04-22T00:12:00.003-06:00

I don't text while I'm driving {its against the law after all} so taking pictures while driving probably isn't much better. Sometimes the colors are just that great. Any color junkie would do the same. Green! Glorious green! I never like the question about favorite colors because it isn't ever a simple answer. Today it would be though. Green! I love it.
It was a collision of reasons why I threw caution to the wind this afternoon and whipped out the camera: Gorgeous drippy spring weather, my most favorite part of town {Sugarhouse 2700 South-ish} and fun music on the radio: Billy Idol. I know! What the heck kind of mood brought that on I'll never know.

the first day of the rest

2010-04-15T21:59:00.003-06:00

I woke up this morning with a major chip on my shoulder. {the fun kind, not the moody kind} How dare this day come already! I'm not ready to join the working professionals completely! I've so much enjoyed being a student.

I've been ignoring the question looming around the periphery I'm not ready to address. The huge question of 'now what'?

Now what?

I know I'm not expected to have all the answers to that question, which is good, because I don't ever seem to have them. I do have a plan that reaches to the new year and from there it will propel me into completely uncharted waters, if nothing gets in the way. I say that because part of the reason I've set the goal for January is to give life a chance to throw me a loop. I like the unexpected, I'm kinda used to it.

I've been thinking about the gray evening I drove the Comfort. Almost 900 feet of steel, nothing to it right? Within the first seconds of my command {I like the sound of that} I'd let the wheel spin 15 degrees off course and the Second Mate practically dove out of the control room to come rescue us all joking tersely that we'd have calls coming in from the Commodore asking what the big jolt was all about. I thought he was overreacting a bit much. I doubt anyone felt it. {I hope.}

I was given the wheel as the CIVMAR currently on duty told me over his shoulder as he left the bridge, "Just keep it 5 degrees on either side of our course and you'll be fine." He had complete faith in me that I could do this one thing for him while he ran an errand. I'd been around enough to be able to mimick what I'd seen him do for hours as we redesigned his condo in our minds back in Norfolk to pass time {ever the designer, even at sea.}

Reacting to the changing waters, the way it pushes against the ship, is tiring. Constantly fighting to correct the course was tedious. I was stressed out in the first 15 minutes and these guys did this in four hour shifts. What I quickly learned was there is a finesse to working the wheel back and forth to the rhythm of the ocean to continue in a relatively straight line. I took a step back and took a breath. No way could I ever admit defeat to those salty dogs. With determined patience I would anticipate the next move the sea would make, make a move of my own, then sit back to see how it'd go. Soon I was keeping it within 5 degrees just the way I was asked to do and really enjoying watching the horizon run on for miles ahead of me.

The reason I was thinking about that today was because the significance of setting a direction seems to be all I can think about. I can't see the straight line to travel that will lead me toward my ultimate happiness and I guess there never is one. {dangit.}

But unlike this experience where I was thrown into the situation without any idea how to accomplish what I had set out to do, I'm at least confident that I have a few options up my sleeve worth examining. That's the real test. Being in tune enough to know when the right one is right. I'm excited, I'm scared, I'm more than a little sad that this chapter is closing. I'm to the part where I don't even know where to find it in me to be enthused by the unknown. It'll catch on soon, I hope.

Until then, I'll just keep it within 5 degrees on either side of what I think to be my best path and listen for those little ques to whether or not I'm doing it right.

call me crazy

2010-04-09T11:02:00.003-06:00

I have a pet spider who rides with me in my car.

Yesterday my friend told me that she'd politely escorted him from the vehicle and I wanted to slam on the brakes as a show of respect for my lost comrade. Luckily he resisted her efforts long enough for me to explain that he was a friendly and he belonged in the car.
He isn't doing any harm, we have an agreement not to surprise each other with any kind of personal contact and so far no breeches in our contract. He leaves little wisps of webs around the place and they shimmer in the sunlight. I appreciate his efforts making my car a little prettier.
Won't name him, that's taking it too far. 'My Buddy' works because "..wherever I go, he goes.."

Carter in beautiful Dominican Republic

2010-04-07T10:11:00.005-06:00

I've been getting more emails recently from my friend Carter, who now lives in the Dominican Republic after the earthquake destroyed his home and school in Haiti. Thought I'd share a bit of his last email. He is so awesome and inspiring.

"...I was born money less but God gave me a fortune that is my knowledge and intelligency to live and I have used it properly because I used it to help others and I thank Lord for such a great opportunity he gave me to be alive still.
As you said , he has reason for that. Now I live in the DR for some times because I have lost every thing but I still have my family which so precious for me..."

I have great memories of the DR, I think he'll be happy there and because of his tenacity he'll find work, I know he'll be just fine.

Happy Easter

2010-04-03T23:13:00.001-06:00

I've been looking forward to tomorrow all week. Happy Easter Everyone.

Easter sunrise services in Haiti last year.

a change of address

2009-10-17T15:58:00.005-06:00

as with all good things, there had to be an end someday. This will be my last post from the sushicat. No, I'm not giving up blogging, {there isn't a patch for that yet} find me here from now on.

sushicat started as a diversion and never did turn into what I hoped it would. Though, looking back, sometimes the blog saved me from myself. Sometimes the first thought I have when I see something is 'I'm putting that on my blog.' So when I feel tiny and need a reminder that 'my people' are out there, the blogs are my quickest fix for a smile, shared wisdom, and best of all, a laugh.

At times it got to be a little obsessive. 'If it isn't on my blog, did it really happen?' What I had hoped it to be got lost in all of that. The new bird will be a better blend of what I'm after {I hope.} Ideas, inspirations, etc. etc. While that has been a part of the cat, the proportions are all off and instead of trying to revamp I'm starting a new chapter. Consider the cat as part of the road to where I hope the bird will launch off from.

What to expect from the new blog: more design, sketches, thoughts, with a few personal anecdotes tossed in for good measure. {and don't think I've forgotten the photographs. I know some of you just stop in for some color.}

so don't forget to make note of the change of address: designsparrow.blogspot.com - pardon the dust, I'm still moving in.

toppins, toppins

2009-10-11T17:43:00.005-06:00

I saw this guy on South Temple this afternoon and flipped around to get a closer look. Those birds were crawling all over him.

bright and early mornings for my Historical Furnishing class. We're to the Italian Renaissance, I can't say Baroque with out adding {to myself} 'If it's not Baroque, don't fix it' - Beauty & the Beast.

the showroom is my playground. It's great because I can break all kinds of design rules as I mix with abandon. I get a kick out of pulling together furniture and accessories into displays that are everything to do with showing off the merchandise and making each item seem special. It would never work in a real room because I throw out proportion and scale {and the fact that most people don't like to mix as much as I do} but I hope that it is a look that makes our customers want to take everything home with them. Have I mentioned yet today that I adore my job?

my school chums at the IIDA Opening Social. Without these girls school wouldn't be the same. Adrienne {also my CAD tutor}, Christi, and Lorri {we're in the IIDA Presidency together}.

my same + love list

2009-10-08T22:48:00.008-06:00

'my same' is the song that I'm listening to for who knows how many times tonight. I have my Adele play list on repeat. I knew it was time for a new loving list because I'm loving way too many things. I love my newly fixed mouse {that has never worked for a whole year now}. And the fact that it is my bedtime {after my blog fix} and, and, and... it was just time to list a few loved things.

other things I have a crazy love for: AutoCAD.on.my.very.own.laptop!! Brought to me by student version access. Gone are the days of crowded computer labs at the school. Hello to a shiny new era of doing my drawings in the comfort of my own room {geared in uggs, mismatched outfits topped with a scarf and energized by Hi Chew candy}

this chesterfield sofa - claret red. Doesn't it scream 'loaf on me instead of going to class?' I picked it for my bakery/gallery/hangout Bunnell House project currently invading my life. The Bunnell House is a circa 1919 Pioneer home located smack dab in the middle of the UVU Campus. Desperately needing a face lift and some major work turning it into anything more than a storage wasteland{what it is used for now} would be the ideal outcome for this little gem. But this project will never be. Sorry advocates, maybe I shouldn't be so pessimistic {re:realistic} I just don't see how the $500 k needed to restore it will ever be allocated when it is in the way of more parking.
However, Kudos to my Studio II instructor for coming up with such an interesting project. The Bunnell House is protected by the Historical Register so the things I'm doing to it would never be allowed, even were the funds found to be spent. {Oh the freedom of being an un-budgeted dreamer.}

more things to make the list: ncis. new/old memories blending. snow on top of the mountains and crisp mornings. getting paid to live my dream. good times chasing moose shadows in the mountains {image stolen from that sunny fall afternoon above} Grandma's house tonight - she is one of my very most favorites. Ever.

a glimpse into our lives aboard the USNS Comfort

2009-10-03T09:44:00.007-06:00

Wanna take a peak aboard the Comfort? Your perfect opportunity is today and tomorrow between General Conference sessions on The World Report. The story will be a short segment on the show that covers church news.

We were in El Salvador when the camera crew came for a few days to cover what we were up to out there. Looking back, their visit was the busiest days on the ship for me, and the most rewarding in a way, because all my wandering around the ship paid off. They had a limited amount of time aboard and if they had to spend it getting oriented or meeting the right people to get them access to surgeries, or the flight deck, or key people for interviews, they wouldn't have had time to get anything else done. What a blast! I can't wait to see it, hope you'll get the chance to see it too.

Watch it online {I hope?} here. I'll find out if I can get the extended version {a whole 4 minutes instead of whatever it is cut down to for the commercials, etc. on KSL or KBYU} The best way to see it is satellite, so if you are watching conference at your stake house, stick around for a few minutes after.}

capture my utah, vote for me plz

2009-09-30T20:45:00.005-06:00

I just spent the last 4 days covering over 1000 miles of the great state of Utah {and a bit of AZ and NV too.} Really, really fun. I'd love to tell you more about it but since I took that time to play I'm paying for it now playing catch up.

If you feel like checking out some really fantastic images from Utah go here to Capture My Utah's website. And while you are there, check out my profile and vote for me so my pictures can end up in a book put together by MediaOne. I thought today was the deadline for submissions so I was excited to include a few more pics from my trip, I was wrong and voting is in full swing.

sun soaked slc

2009-09-21T00:03:00.008-06:00

I was fighting off a nap earlier this afternoon bc I have one day off to enjoy my freedom to do as I please and I don't want to sleep it away. Instead, I wandered around SLC taking pictures and enjoying the beautiful fall weather.

Emigration Canyon - bikers are made of rocks. How do they do it?

Cranes...after my own heart. I can't explain my love for those machines.

seagulls and alleyways and funny old buildings...I wasn't really thinking about anything I was taking pictures of, just taking them as I wandered to give me reasons to go this way and that way.

I would love a quicker reflex for times like these. I'm so much more comfortable taking pictures of textures and color. Moving targets are things I notice and wish I'd catch, but I'm happy with seeing the moment all the same. This guy made my day riding his retrofitted bike down Main Street with a huge grin on his face. Maybe instead of wishing for a quicker reflex, or better camera, I should just wish for more courage to jump out in the street and take the picture when I first want to instead of hesitating. Something about snapping shots of strangers seems invasive.

shadow play

2009-09-16T21:02:00.004-06:00

You know you are a full fledged student when dinner consists of a 100 calorie snack bag of Cheese-its {shared 3 ways}, two Tums tablets {not for their tummy soothing ways, but because they are there} and a handful of TicTacs.

I can't tell you how nice it was today to wander aimlessly for the better part of an hour between classes after spending all of my free time the last week on creating a pediatric hospital room that I will never get to see outside my imagination. That is still the hardest part of my projects for me. Walking away at the end with no tangible proof that the hours of thought and work I put into it would ever even work in real life.

It is an all consuming process. I get wrapped up in it so much that I can see the space from every angel, can almost smell the new carpet and paint. Research and sketches and the tiny details of putting together boards. Then to stand up in front of my peers and present it is nerve wracking. Not because I'm scared about what they'll think, but because it is the final step. The room is only as good as I can sell it. This whole place, the people I imagine using it, all of it, resides in my mind and once I put it out there I want it to be more than a three minute presentation in the mix.

And not even feeling the relief of another project completed, we are handed a stack of documents laying out the next blank slate. What now?

perfect blend

2009-09-12T22:17:00.003-06:00

life right now is the perfect blend of fast + slow. I wish there was a way to capture it all and put it somewhere to examine more closely because even though I'm taking in as many details as I can I know others are going by unnoticed.
today alone the details have sent me into overdrive. My mom and I went through a few homes in Davis County on a designer showcase set up by my boss and a few other designers part of UDLA. My two favorites were by Philimina and Robert Mcarthur Studios Both were their personal homes. Stunning. We had so much fun.
My favorite detail I won't forget from today: the way it feels curling up on Grandma's brown recliner with her and getting a couple Hershey kisses from her. She is awesome.

too wound up

2009-09-08T22:31:00.003-06:00

I have been learning the coolest things about the Egyptians tonight, the cat's pajamas: they must have liked their pets a lot. Enough to have them mummified.

I'm studying for a quiz in the morning. OK - to be honest, I'm blogging. But if I'm going to get everything done in my life that I want to do multi-tasking will be a must so why not blog + study? Sounds like a good mix to me.

Really, I'm just too wound up to read. Today was ideal. I followed Glenn {one of the owners of Noble House} and Darrin {hired muscle} to my very first client's home today to be there for the delivery of all their goods. {Yes, I snapped a picture of the truck as a memento of the day - I'm a geek} I'm excited about them because they have great taste, a beautiful home, and we get along really well. A client made in heaven. We're going to have fun working together. I'm sketching and dreaming and thinking I have the BEST job ever.
I wonder how long it will take before the design dreams start up again. It has happened in the past where homework follows me into the unconscious {if only I could turn it in when I woke up - now that would be the ultimate multi-tasked effort!} Working basically full time with classes squished into the mix and enough homework to keep me busy every minute I'm not at class/work and I think if you poke me I'll bleed design.

can you believe it??

2009-09-06T22:18:00.002-06:00

Miss Cari Cheyenne is a teenager!!! I can barely believe it myself! It seems like yesterday I was at volleyball practice and my mom came with pink balloons to tell me I was an aunt! Or when I met her for the first time and she was wearing the most adorable off white lace dress and I took her over around to all my friends to show them my beautiful niece. One of my most recent favorite memories is from Christmas when we wore my lipstick and chased her brothers around the apartment leaving kiss marks on them. I'll stop with the memories or I might embarrass her. What a super cool girl!! Love you Cari!

still

2009-09-05T01:00:00.001-06:00

totally in love after 40 years. Love you Mom + Dad, Happy Anniversary!!

a story for Kwona

2009-09-01T22:17:00.003-06:00

Kwona is doing something for enrichment night and asked my mom and I to share stories of crazy days when things 'never stopped'. This one came to mind:

The morning of my good friend Jackie’s wedding I was finishing up some work before making the 4 hour drive to Salt Lake City to be there for her reception. I had to drop off something to my boss before I left. I was stopped at a stop sign just down the street from her home when I noticed a cat lying in the ditch with a Campbell’s soup can stuck on her head. I jumped out and tried to pull the can off, but it wouldn’t budge. The cat was panting and crying, making me feel awful. I scooped her up, and with soup dripping down my arms onto the seat and floor of my truck, I drove the rest of the way to her house with the half dead cat on my lap.

I grabbed a can opener and got the bottom off the can so the cat could breathe while I lathered her up with olive oil to hopefully slip the can off her head. I'll never forget how pathetic she looked in there with her face squished up covered with soup. She was meowing and not at all happy with any of this. This is when we noticed that she was very very pregnant! She was having quite the day, too!!

The cat was soon on her way sans can and I was on my way sans cat. {but just barely - you know I wanted to keep her!} About 40 minutes out of town the engine revved up and then shut off completely. I coasted into a truck stop and did what anyone would do - popped the hood and looked around at what was in there like I had any idea what I was looking for while I thought of a plan. A couple men approached and asked if I needed help. I told them my predicament and they immediately offered me a ride. I was taking them in all the while, making sure I even wanted to get in a car with them. I didn’t have time to think too hard about it, and they seemed harmless. I grabbed my bags from my truck along with a giant potted plant for my mom and followed them to their tiny car. The car was made tinier still by the fact that they were on their way to Wyoming with a bunch of their dead mother’s belonging they had picked up from her home in Las Vegas. They quickly rearranged a few things and I inserted myself into the backseat, with my bags and plant on my lap. I wasn't alone back there either among the boxes. I was wedged in with a gigantic German Shepherd named Hans. Incidentally the dog was suffering from some serious indigestion. The men apologized for Hans, our happy, oblivious companion, who smiled at me while letting loose the most terrible smells from his big hot hairy body leaning up next to me, licking my arm.
We were a half hour away from the next city and I was frantically calling through the numbers in my phone book looking for a car to rent. My new friends had offered to drive me the rest of the way, almost insisting on it. But I refused. I couldn’t stand Hans that long, and they were making their way through a case of Nevada beer. Either I was going to pass out from asphyxiation, or we were going to run off the road.

They dropped me at the airport in Cedar City where I lucked out renting a beautiful dark gray Honda Accord. I made great time from there and made it just in time for Jackie’s reception. She was puzzled at my tears when we hugged. I think the emotion of the day had caught up to me finally. I brushed it off as happy tears for her, only telling her the story years later.

Side note: I had my truck towed to work {a temp job in between my other 2 jobs for a friend while she had her baby} where it sat until I got home. I was cleaning out all my personal belongings before I sold it for scrap. {The transmission was out and it would have cost too much to fix.} I somehow released the parking break before going inside. It wasn’t too much later when I heard a big crash and ran outside to find the truck at the bottom of a small hill buried in tractor parts and pushed under a chain link fence. I don't remember what happened next, or how I got it out of that mess, but I do remember the immense relief I felt when I parted ways with it shortly after for a serious upgrade: the Honda I still love every day now. Besides, the poor truck smelled like soup!

in reflection

2009-08-29T22:33:00.002-06:00

could not have done this without my parents {thank you mom & dad}
I started planning this night in May. Nothing serious, just little ideas here and there when I was lacking something to think about. And for all those details, I don't think any of them actually made it to today. But it gave me something from my familiar life to do out there floating around in an environment that wasn't at all familiar. It was fun to do this for these people who can do medical wonders. I make things pretty - they save people. Too each their own right?

The church is officially involved in Continuing Promise 2010. Wonder where I will be in April? Graduating, and then what? Could I find myself in Indonesia on the Mercy? {Sister ship to the Comfort}

Pirkko, Mindy, Ashley

Me, Melissa and Ang

in anticipation

2009-08-28T22:04:00.007-06:00

of the reunion we are having in the backyard tomorrow I thought I'd share a few more photos from the Comfort. {I have hundreds - I'll never be able to share them all}

The first group - April - were the most photo happy. Everything we did everyone pulled their cameras out to take a picture of it. This wild storm in Haiti was no exception.

Rowan, Tracy and myself at one of the many ceremonies we entertained each other through. Opening ceremony in El Salvador.

These signs hung in the bathrooms used by patients because toilets weren't always familiar things to them.

Port Au-Prince, Haiti - Public Market

when The Deputy came to town

2009-08-27T22:59:00.003-06:00

The first time I met The Deputy we were at a luncheon in the wardroom on that great white hospital ship with some important person in Antigua {might have been the Charge d'Affairs?} and I thought he was a reserved, quiet guy, who also happened to like some of the same authors I do {Malcolm Gladwell - Tipping Point/Blink}. He is that, but he is also owner of one those sneaky wits that catch you unaware and can draw out unexpected belly laughs with a well placed quick one. I enjoy that kind of thing no end.

So when he emailed to say he'd be out here at Hill Field for a conference I jumped at the chance to hang with my good buddy - The Deputy. {where else would I have made friends that go by such great names? JAG, Deputy, RP2, Chaps, LT... I think part of the draw of The Navy is the heavy use of aliases mixed with acronyms}

He introduced me to a new venue for hiking - antelope island. We hiked at a break neck pace to try to reach the summit in time to catch the sunset. We missed the sun by moments, but the 360 degree views from the top were stunning at sunset. We sat in that fantastic calming silence of dusk and watched the buffalo roam and the antelope hop about. The coyote started their howling as it started getting dark, answering each other up and down the beach.

show me something new

2009-08-23T23:40:00.001-06:00

remember back in the early days of sushicat when I didn't have a filter? Tonight would have been one of those rambling introspective entries that would have embarrassed me for my openness and would have left you all scratching your heads and wondering if I had two coherent thoughts inside my head to rub against each other.
the edited version is I had a lovely day long weekend and I'm as refreshed as I can be for the week ahead.
I thought I'd try out the parade of homes {Salt Lake} and while I had a lovely time, I wasn't all that impressed with the show. I remember the first year I went to the parade of homes {St. George} and being blown away by the creativity and the unique details in each home.
My disillusionment probably has to do a lot with how submersed I am in the subject at hand. I was hoping for some WOW Factor. Something really new, something I haven't seen. My top choices would be Garbett and Holmes. Both builders had homes in Day Break - Utah's very own Truman Show type community. The place made me want to litter just to make it feel a little more real. {Don't worry, I took my little rain cloud and left with my gum wrapper tucked away neatly in my pocket.}

cautionary tales

2009-08-19T22:02:00.008-06:00

Nothing stands out so conspicuously, or remains so firmly fixed in the memory, as something which you have blundered. -Cicero

This statement has nothing to do with the oreo or the table I'm selling. The oreo is simply a pleasure, the table is something I wish I could keep. But as with so many of the other things I've given away, sold, or repacked and hidden in various hiding spots; it is just a thing. And things are just that. I am unloading.

So back to the statement.

I had come across it in Vanishing Acts - Jodi Picoult {beautiful book} the other night while camping. I read it to my mom because it applied to an experience we had earlier that evening when we came across some backpackers who asked us for water at the end of our hike. I would like to tell you here that we willingly watered the wilted. But, I told them no.
The sad truth is we really did have enough to spare. We talked about it the next morning as I used the water liberally to wash my face and brush my teeth. There was nothing we could do at this point, so we tried to laugh it off with a heaping dose of regret. We were both bothered by the fact we missed an opportunity.

This spurred another story I shared with my mom about a man I met in Antigua. He was a resident at the rest home I visited on a COMREL {community relation project} Once a radio announcer, he knew all about the music industry {especially Bob Marley} and had many interesting views on the world he shared with RP2 and I during our visit. His sight was taken at a relatively young age by a condition with a cure, if he had the resources. He had been to a clinic in another country and was turned away for whatever reason they gave him.
It crossed my mind while talking with him to go back to the ship and tell the ophthalmologists about him. The politics of how the clinics were set up didn't allow for this kind of thing to happen. The patients stood in line, got a wrist band, saw a doctor. And in Antigua, the wristbands were rumored to have been sold on the black market for hundreds of dollars. It felt too big to conquer. But even if I had been told no, the point is: I didn't even try. All it would have taken was a simple question to someone. A specialist no less, whom I was on first name basis with, who shared a well equipped hospital ship with me as a home. And I did nothing. At the time it felt like I would have been breaking rules we were reminded of regularly. Asking for special treatment was something I avoided being a female and a 'civi'. But now, sitting here thousands of miles away, with my sight, I wonder if I'll always regret that decision, or lack there of, or if I'll be able to bury the guilt with some more well placed excuses.

After telling my story to my mom I joked, 'Next time I come across the thirsty or the blind, I'll definitely make better decisions.' It's having those types of cautionary tales to tell myself that makes me rethink my stance on regret, and not living with any of it.

My third and final story that really drives it home for me.

As I was making my way home after visiting my parents and my desert, I was at the gas station. Out of cash, and with a new debit card and bank account, but no pin to access it. The solution is obvious: run the card as credit. How many times have I done this just because it is quicker than entering my pin? I don't know where my brain was while I dealt with this molehill.
I bought some Altoids to get cash back. Some strange rule was in place that wouldn't allow this type of transaction at this particular establishment. I was dumbfounded. Now what? I must have looked harried because the clerk asked if there was a problem. I told her that I needed the cash to buy gas to get home. Without hesitating she pulled out thirty bucks from her pocket and had full intentions of giving it to me as a gift. Of course I didn't take it, but I thanked her with tears hiding behind my eyes, and walked out of the store. The solution became glaringly obvious as I got to my car. I felt sheepish and humbled. I cataloged her kindness away to finish off my triptych, if you will, of examples of simple opportunities. '..unto the least of these..' I didn't know this woman, to her I was just another person in line, but she was so willing to help me get home.

blazing moon

2009-08-13T22:27:00.005-06:00

I'm supposed to be backpacking at the bottom of the Grand Canyon right now. Due to responsibility rearing it's dutiful head, I went to work today instead to learn my role from the designer I'm replacing. Having a few days off leading up to the time I would have liked to have time off - I decided to make the most of the bad timing, and go play in my favorite corner of the state.

Part of my loose plan was to traipse off camping {to make up for missing out}, but I was forbidden to do so alone. So my mom, ever the coolest mom, willingly joined the adventure.

Destination: Kolob Reservoir, by way of My Favorite Road. Along the way we pulled over at one point where things just looked interesting. {Hop Valley} Ever have that urge? Just to pull over and see what is out there? We did.

We made it to the lake with just enough light to string my hammock up and enjoy the last bits of the day before mom was off to her tent {aka The Odyssey} and I was tucked into my suspended bed, wrapped in wool blankets and zipped into my bag, with ear plugs handy to block out the rustling in the brush around me. {It may have been chipmunks, but it also could have been hungry mountain lions - I didn't want to hear it coming; if it came.} I didn't have any trouble with the creatures, but the blazing moon woke me up a couple of times with it's relentless shining. The price paid for sleeping under the stars, I suppose - can't turn out the nightlight.

We were up with the sun the next morning, bagels and protein drinks for breakfast as we were warmed by the sun after a chilly morning, and away we went. Again, we pulled off the road at a random point {who needs trail heads?} and the destination was the megalith in the image below. We followed animal trails and picked our way there. It was a fantastic hike.

wild pomegranate tree behind the dumpster at my storage unit. The desert might be mostly unwelcoming, on the verge of hostile; but the best thing is finding beauty in the ugliest parts of all.

{ps - dear southern utah friends - please don't be mad at me because I didn't call, it was a fast and furious trip!}

while

2009-08-11T22:04:00.003-06:00

I am goofing off around these parts...

...please enjoy something that made my mom speechless with laughter.

plan not necessary

2009-08-09T12:48:00.003-06:00

even the best laid plans change. I didn't have much more of a plan than to hike to Lake Blanche, a hike picked at random from the many options of Big Cottonwood Canyon, {see it about middle distance lit up by a bit of sunshine?} so I wasn't too concerned when I reached the trail head and found myself in a considerably gusty rainstorm that didn't seem all that inviting.

Continuing up the canyon, windows down, sweatshirt on and fighting the urge to turn on the heater, I found a road I've never ventured up.

ever the anti-social when it comes to being out enjoying nature {isn't it supposed to be about solidarity?} I chose a trail that veered off from the one the bikers/hikers/dog walkers were picking and went on the one less traveled. {I can hear my dad sighing right now, I had my cell and mace so no worries}

at the tip top the clouds were moving fast and the sun was peaking in and out just long enough to highlight different parts of the vista below. A storm didn't seem to be brewing, just clouds moving along going other places to rain out some Saturday plan, but not mine.

bumble bees + summerfest

2009-08-07T21:29:00.006-06:00

It might as well be 1989 because Jackie and I have been joined at the hip again with all our fun activities. We got Bees tickets for running the 10k a couple weeks ago so we decided to go last night. Who knows who won, we were there two hours and bailed out after we had our share of America's past time. I was aware of a few great plays, but as usual, it was more about the food and the people watching for me.

Tonight we took the kids to Bountiful Park for Summerfest. The international dancers were doing their thing, the park was full of vendors hocking their wares and ever the predictable one, the food was my favorite part. It was great being there in the late afternoon sunshine bumping into neighbors and old friends, enjoying the smokey bbq smell mixed with the sweet smell of summer. It is perfect sweatshirt weather right now, too.

Lucy was giggling before we even got to the festival; she was that excited to go. Her enthusiasm made my day.

forget yesterday's post

2009-08-06T14:01:00.004-06:00

To answer the question Vicky asked: 'Am I looking for a job, or a career?'
Initially I was looking for a job. It was so stressful last year when I worked for That One Designer {that shall not be named} I decided working a design related job while going to school wasn't such a good idea. So the plan was to find a fun, chill job to get me through the next two semesters before looking for serious career move worthy work.

Well, I've been interviewing with Noble House for the last week and the first interview went really well and when they described the Assistant Designer/Store Manager position I was immediately excited and wanted the position with all my heart.

It is exactly what I wasn't looking for (little responsibility, stress free), but if I described my dream job, this would be it. Retail location with product lines I've worked with in the past, traditional styles {I'm more contemporary, but I'm very familiar and comfortable with tradition design} and plenty of design/office work to keep me busy.

This morning I went back for my second interview, came home feeling like I did my very best and went to work painting the bathroom to keep my hands busy while I waited for the call.

I GOT THE JOB!! I'm due back in an hour to start going over the current projects and schedule some time next week with the designer I'm replacing.

filling the position as

2009-08-05T20:54:00.006-06:00

the job hunt has become a bit of a joke. Do I want to be a beekeeper? Gallery docent? Shop girl? Do I want to sell obnoxious utensils door to door? I haven't quite reached that level of desperation yet, but I'm not far from it.

Something about picking jobs to apply for makes me feel like I'm trying on optional renditions of myself. Could I happily {without dread} show up for work at a bakery? Yep {think Stranger than Fiction} a trendy boutique? Enthusiastic thumbs up {oh but the cost of looking the part} Revisit the hippie ski tech era again? How about the artsy slightly moody girl at the gallery? I start the day off on craigslist checking out the updated listings, eating granola parfait, concentrating momentarily as I write a cover letter making sure I sound sincere when I say 'I look forward to talking with you more about the blank blank position..' over and over until I've sent out 5+ resumes a day. Every day. Since I got home 2 weeks ago. All those alternate story lines for my near future die before I even get the chance to try it on for size at an interview. I never hear back from any of them. {Except for one. And my hopes are hung so high on it I don't want to talk about it just yet.}

It feels like an unnatural way to go about securing employment when every listing instructs me politely to not apply in person and most definitely do not call about the position. So I can send an email, but following through or showing any real interest has been strictly forbidden. Blasted technology.

quick mix on conference room

2009-08-04T14:12:00.005-06:00

Jax, bless her soul, wanted some painting practice so she recruited her partner in crime and we were off yesterday afternoon to paint her husband's boss's conference room.

great old building downtown surrounded by all the revamping Salt Lake is experiencing right now. With the new City Center and all the new high rises sprouting up all over the place, I'm excited about the new growth.

the art piece the new paint colors were pulled from.

a close up of the walls that got the rub down. We painted over wallpaper {don't gasp! it added cool texture!} Jackie is a natural. It was fun to do some decorative painting {faux}, even if I don't feel like it really matches my personal taste so much anymore. It did take me back to when I was doing this in all the spare moments I had, regaled {or bored} Jackie with stories of faux gone wrong over the years, poor girl.

the best part of the deal: dinner at Sawadee. I've been wanting to go to this Thai restaurant for a couple years now. It did not disappoint one bit!

lucky hoo

2009-08-01T16:21:00.005-06:00

it is fun to think about doing something more with my little paper creations, but then I do one and realize its better to just do one every now and again when the mood strikes. What if I had to do them more? Hoo knows, but I'd end up hating it. Too much gluing... So for now - its a fun way to fill spare moments while I job hunt. And a great way to recycle paint sample cards. The sky came from the discarded color options for the great Frybaby basement kitchen project under construction right now as I type.

in good hands

2009-07-29T22:18:00.009-06:00

not to sound like an Allstate commercial, but I do believe there is something to the idea of getting back to basics. This isn't a new concept and I'm certainly not taking advice from the former president of Jack Bauer's universe merely because he tells me I'm 'in good hands'. The statement just rings true to me. {And can you blame me if I did listen to that man? It's gotta be the voice.}
Maybe it has something to do with being removed, or really, completely disconnected, from the basic things I appreciate and love. I knew it would all still be here, so I didn't miss it at all. I completely put it behind me. Any kind of thought that would crop up out there coming from the direction of home was easy to put aside because what could I possibly do from there about missing anything? Nothing.
So, being reunited with 'home life' again and feeling overwhelmed by how familiar everything is while at the same time being a foreigner in my own regular day to day life is a pretty cool trip if you ask me. I recommend it to anyone to step outside your norm and take a good look at what you hold dear.
Like the true bug lover that I am, I have been observing from a introspective vantage point how everything has slowly come into focus around me. What really touches me, what am I doing with my life?
So as you can expect, and certainly saw coming a mile away with all my foreshadowing is: Experiencing everything that is familiar again has brought a new appreciation to, well, the basics.
I like the chores of life. Running around town, sending in resumes by the bushel. Wondering what kind of work I'll find and where it'll take me from here. I liked having the short term responsibility while the fam was at the lake of turning on the sprinkler for the garden. And the feeling of warm cement on my bare feet. I liked having pizza with the family tonight and wandering over to Jackie's house with a feeble made up excuse of why I needed to be there only to hold the measuring tape for Jeff while he works on a project and hanging out with Jackie in the drive way while she spot cleaned the upholstery in her car.
I knew getting away would be good for putting things in perspective, but what the new perspective would be - I hadn't a clue. I knew it'd be interesting and that is why I wanted it. Things were getting stale. The fear was that I wouldn't know how to curb the wild adventure streak once I got back and had to get back to responsible living once again.
I think that perspective I am always after is an always changing thing. Ever the layering of wishes/experiences/heartache/achievements in the way unfolding life does things with all of it's unforeseen messiness and perfectly falling pieces that create our stories while we love/worry/laugh our way through the day to day-ness. {Picture the music montage at the end of a tv show episode and this is what I'm conjuring up in my head to fit what I'm trying to describe. Put it to music with some soul and beat to it and you've got it.}
I was breathing in adventure while out to sea, now it feels like I'm exhaling an energized and renewed love for the simple pleasures - the basics of life.
Who knows, maybe I should think about switching to Allstate, it seems I've really taken to their ad campaign. Ever the sucker for good consumerism.

comparisons

2009-07-26T22:47:00.015-06:00

comparisons are pretty easy to make. I don't necessarily like to compare many things in life, it can be hazardous. Somethings are just different, and should be left that way. Neither better or worse, just not the same. Sometimes the differences are so apparent, I can't help but poke at them.

For instance, last Sunday I was in Panama City taking in every last detail of a chapter coming to an end; enjoying time with friends and eating good food. Today, I found myself at the Awesome's making apricot nectar and being fed tuna melt on toast like I never left.

Last week I was wondering if I would enjoy silence as much as I thought I would.
This week I have found that silence is every bit as fantastic as I remember.

The jungle is gorgeous and I like the lushness and the way everything felt exotic, even the most mundane thing.

The desert has a harsh beauty to it that is home deep within me that lets me know I'll be a desert rat no matter where I go. Nowhere else on earth {that I have found yet} has the same effect on me.

10 k + molten lava love

2009-07-25T23:59:00.005-06:00

I wanted to run a race sometime this year. I just wasn't really anticipating it being yesterday. I guess running up and down those hot, dirty ramps could be considered training... I did. I haven't seen the official times yet {not posted online yet} but whatever it was, I'm just fine with it as a number to beat next time. Mesquite, NV in November? Sounds good to me.

a little celebratory goodness. If there is a better desert {of the chocolate cake variety - we're not talking all time, there are just too many options} I have yet to find it.

sliver of the theater rm

2009-07-23T21:18:00.004-06:00

Lucy is such a babe. Jackie called as I was making a zucchini casserole and asked why I wasn't sitting on Main Street with her right that minute watching the parade. I didn't have a good answer for her, so off I went to enjoy some hometown flavor. It was a pleasant summer evening, walking down the street, saying hello to old friends and neighbors. Sitting with Jackie at a parade is an event, she is a candy hording extraordinaire.

a little slice of what has been going on in the Theater Room, or aka, my room for the next x amount of time. {Frybaby, remember when we joked I'd only be here a year?}
I chose the wild Golden Cricket {professionally painted by PBPB, thnx guys!} color for the walls because of the lack of natural light in the basement and the need to create a feeling of warmth. Though, after taking the roller shade off today I was surprised by how much afternoon light could sneak in, given the chance. When the room is being used in the way it was intended and the idea is to create a fun place for chilling, the warm wall color will be a great jumping off place to create a pallet that matches the fun family who graciously lets me be a gnome in their basement. I never thought I'd EVER chose a yellow of any kind, it is a risky move, but this particular yellow has a lot of great gray and even a bit of green undertones and has yet to make me feel anxious or upset. {Something a bad yellow could easily do.} I can't wait to do curtains/accessories next. I'm thinking plush, warm fabrics with lots of texture and vibrant pattern without being loud or overbearing. Don't think it can be pulled done? Just wait for the updates! {but don't hold your breath, they won't come until I become gainfully employed again}
WOW, that was a lot to say about color, still with me?

bigger things soon enough

2009-07-21T22:46:00.004-06:00

I am here. Home. {Home?} The title seems to fit alright, but I also feel like a stranger in my own skin. I woke up this morning disoriented and confused in the red room at Grandma's house and immediately went back to bed when I couldn't decide what to do with myself. I feel like I should be jumping right into things but I also feel like I need a minute to catch my breath.
I don't have answers to questions like what am I going to do now? What about a job? When does school start? What would I like to do with the day? What would I like to eat? ? ? I don't know. I just don't know.

so instead of facing the bigger of those questions, my parents and I went and bummed around Park City for the afternoon.

I'll tackle the bigger things soon enough.

For now, it just feels good to be with my parents, breathing in the fresh mountain air, trying my hand at beating gma at cards and getting rid of the monster that I was passing off as the hair on my head. {Jackie - my head thanks you for parting it with the shaggy beast}

something to be noted: I posted this entire post in the same amount of time it would have taken me to upload just ONE picture with the internet on the ship!!

when everything went pink

2009-07-17T11:49:00.006-06:00

A sampling of the variety of vehicles in the parking lot outside the ballpark earlier this week after a crowd showed up to watch the game.

This may very will be my last entry from the great blue sea. We arrive in Panama City tomorrow morning and I hope to be off soaking in every last bit of this experience I can since I'm still nowhere near ready to put it all behind me. Maybe a couple days on shore eating good food and taking in the sites will help it feel more final?

I woke up early this morning to see the sun come up and was happy to find a beautiful lightening storm to the northwest and a beautiful peachy orange start to a sunrise that never quite reached full glory before the stormy skies overtook it. As I was leaning on the railing along the bridge wing looking east enjoying the breeze and the way the water was breaking against the ship when everything went pink, the crane overhead sparked and my hair shot straight up. I don't know how close I got to becoming a breakfast accoutrement {toast} but it sure was a very exciting way to start my day!

A few new things to add to the ever growing list of cool things done on the ship:

I saw glowing plankton in the wake of the ship a couple nights ago. It looks like giant fireflies under water.

I helped crack over 1000 eggs last night into a giant metal bowl for breakfast this morning.

We ran 12 laps on the ramps. A new record for me. {4+ miles, it isn't really about the length but more the fact that it is incredibly hot and downhill usually kills my knees that makes this new record especially promising. Maybe the St. George half marathon can become a goal once again?}

I was visiting my friend Sean on the bridge, but this isn't the new part.
We've been decorating his house {in our imaginations of course, since it is in VA and we are here} We talk colors and art, this and that really, while he steers the ship.

He had to go downstairs to grab something for Second Mate so S.M. told me to watch the helm for Sean. Just like that, and I'm the only one standing there with the guys in the room behind me studying the course using the sexton {cool devise but not very accurate}.

There is a digital reading of the course we are on that hangs down in front of the helm. We were aiming for 120 so I could let it go anywhere between 118 and 122 but ideally it should stay right around 120. Easy enough right? Turn the wheel 5 degrees in either direction to correct the course before returning to 'mid ship' and let the numbers ease up or down accordingly. But there is a certain finesse to this steering of a large ship thing. Work it too hard and you are just wasting your energy trying to fight something fluid that will never be perfectly straight. And if you don't pay attention, soon you are incredibly off course. There is a moral to that story; I'll let you draw your own conclusions.

I drove for about an hour before I'd felt I'd had my share of being the second most important person on the ship. {in Sean's words, not mine}

I'm sad this is my last post from the Comfort. I hoped I'd be more ready to come home, but feel even less ready as the minutes wind down.

{side note: this doesn't mean I'm not excited to see you all soon, because I am!!}

final day in Nicaragua

2009-07-14T09:45:00.009-06:00

Yesterday was our last operational day for the mission. I spent the day on shore on a COMREL project. I hadn't been to shore since we got to Nicaragua a week and a half ago because the ceremonies were all combined into one mega media blitz on board. So it was extra fantastic to get off The Comfort and see the country.
We had an hour and a half drive so I got to see plenty of country side and all the random cool things about this place like plentiful free roaming horses on the side of the road like the stray dogs, the actively smoking volcano and gorgeous, never ending fields of soft yellow flowering bushes.

The kids were the absolute best part of my day. The original plan for the COMREL was for our group to clean up the ball field that was going to be used as an HLZ {helo landing zone} so we could play softball with the Ambassador and a local team. Only it wasn't used as a landing zone so instead of cleaning we played with the kids who came from who knows where almost as soon as we showed up. I saw a couple of them pop up on the outfield fence as we were eating lunch. By the time we finished there was a handful of them ready to hang out until we left after the local team beat our socks off.

I sat down along a wall with one little guy who flinched if anyone got near him. I gave him pulled up weeds {true sign of friendship right?} and took a picture of his friend who walked by to show him to see if he would smile. He didn't just yet, but soon all the kids wanted their pictures taken so they could see the image on the screen. Except one little guy, who was even more shy than this first lil amigo.

It became a game and soon all the other kids were conspiring against him with me to get him to let his photo be taken. {He is the toothless angel above. The one in front is the first friend who seemed to carry a heavy weight on his little shoulders.}

I have loads of pictures of beautiful faces, but the feet were touching me heart this morning as I sorted through my pictures.

We stopped at an engineering site the Seabees have been working on and played around for awhile. I like traveling with Chaps because we aren't rushed or on a tight agenda. It was great to run around and play soccer with the kids. One of my teammates name was Macaraina {like the popular dance song from the 90's} so whenever he'd score I'd call out his name with the first couple moves to the dance and they'd all laugh.

Would the day be complete without local food? I don't know, but I'd rather not find out! This little bundle of heaven was corn in a mushed up gritty form that was nothing less than delightful. Sweet and served hot from a basket on top of a girl's head. She was selling them for something like 10 cents each. I bought as many as my spare change would stretch.

Chaps brought stickers with him and was mobbed by the kids who wanted as many stickers as possible stuck all over their bodies.

I don't like the idea of saying goodbye to my ship mates. Bobby is one of those people who I'll miss. Long ago he stopped helping me in and out of the boats, calling me 'too salty' to need assistance. He has been on back to back deployments for 2 years and is looking forward to his 6 weeks off when he gets home so he can jump on his hog and camp his way through the parks. We've had fun shooting the breeze and working along side each other in Bozn's locker - him on his Adirondack chairs he makes out of spare wood, and me on my painting projects that keep my creative demons satisfied.
The RHIB {rigid hull inflatable boat} ride back to the ship yesterday afternoon was the perfect ending to this mission for me. There are still days to go before we get to Panama, but yesterday ended the actual humanitarian mission. It was choppy and I rode up front where no one rides because there is a chance of bouncing right out. Best seat available!

9 days to go

2009-07-11T13:00:00.007-06:00

I love the ocean. I never get tired of looking at it. When I took this picture the water was going in every direction with a million different types of movement. It is never the same. It wasn't even the time of day or type of day I particularly like to be outside. The white ship with all the reflective water and bright sun makes mid day hard to stand outside but we were just underway and it was nice to feel the breeze and watch El Sal recede in the distance and watch the butterflies. It surprises me how many come out so far from land. You'd think butterflies wouldn't stray very far from flowers, or land for that matter.

I had high hopes that I would morph wolverine style into something stronger than myself out here. Not unlike a high bred version of the old me. Some humanitarian wonder child. But I'm still just me, sans metallic skeletal additions, and while I know this was an excellent chance to serve and in so doing, grow, I don't feel any huge difference like I was hoping for. I do feel like I can come home with a stronger appreciation for human frailty and the inner battles worth fighting to be a better person, even if I don't get a nice tidy boxed up conclusions at the end of my self appointed 'learning experience'.

I guess that is one of the joys about life never being easily summed up.

RP3 Strother, Margarette and me

the tres amigitos. {the 3 little friends if I got that right} me {LDS Charities}, Tracy {Project Hope} and Rowan {UCSD}. The 3 captains of the ship call themselves the tres amigos. Rowan, Tracy and I {the 3 NGO Leads on board} call ourselves the 3 little friends. We have had fun entertaining each other at all the ceremonies and dignitary functions we've attended together. Our last scheduled dinner was a couple nights ago and I was looking forward to one last shindig for us to go to together. It was canceled because the captains and the DV's were all still stuck on shore due to the afternoon storms. Nicaragua has been a difficult country for movements all around. So we had dinner together anyway with the other foreign nationals and it was nice having the regular crowd together without the formality of an actual event. The main topic of conversation was the different plans for when we all go home. A nice thought was that we'll be home in time for the last part of summer, just in time for fall.

I'm looking forward to finding silence. I haven't heard {or not heard} it since I got here. When I think it is quiet I can still identify creaking/banging/whooshing air somewhere near by.

seventh country - Nicaragua

2009-07-07T11:11:00.010-06:00

Nicaragua is our final country for the mission, with a liberty port next week back in Panama before flying home. The days are numbered for my time out at sea. This thought bothers/thrills me equally, with the balance shifting from side to side depending on what I think about. Getting away from my 72 roommates? Thrilled. Wondering if I'll forget how awesome it is to live on the USNS Comfort? Bothered.

I want the 13 days to feel like forever and be over already so I'll have some reassurance that when I get back I'll still have this unbelievable memory tucked away to pull out sometimes and remember. How is that for contradiction? I wouldn't be me without conflicting thoughts to mull over.

Sunday evening after dinner, I found a spot along the port side and settled in to watch the weather change. It was one of those beautiful moments where everything felt amber colored. Good tunes, fantastic book {Love Walked In}, helo ops to keeps things interesting, and a great show put on by the sunset/storm duo.

We have had some amazing weather the last few days with extremely high seas, lightening storms, strong winds {40+ mph} lots of rain, and everything in between.

..from the oceans, white with foam...

2009-07-05T10:04:00.009-06:00

Picture taken from the Panama Canal transit

Celebrations for Independence Day here weren't as revved up as you might think they would be on a US Navy vessel. {Ice cream social, an impromptu concert by the Air Force brass quintet and darts with Big Rix was the extent of the celebrations for me.}

I did have dinner with the Surgeon General, Rear Admiral Galson. As much as we {The Tres NGO Amigos} take pleasure in whining about the amount of DV functions we are voluntold to attend, I enjoy the chance to eat a civilized dinner without having to yell to be heard or try to pick things from the line that look edible.

Before yesterday I didn't know what else the SG did other than warn people of the dangers of smoking. But now I know 'The Surgeon General serves as America's chief health educator by providing Americans the best scientific information available on how to improve their health and reduce the risk of illness and injury.' {Taken from the USPHS website for the cat's curiosity - I like to read up on our guests.}

Typically at these functions I consider my role, as well as anyone else not seated at the official table, vital in creating 'back ground ambiance'. CAPT Ware shook things up a little last night when he finished the trading plaques/coins/hats ceremony with the SG and scanned the room while saying he would like to point out the different partnering nations and NGO's present. I knew he was looking for me because he said, 'Where is Gena?' {That's me btw, in case you were wondering.}

When he spotted me and said, "Introduce yourself Gena." I took this as one of many opportunities to set the name thing straight and said, "Good evening sir, Jenna Rix, LDS Charities," with a subtle emphasis on my first name. And to that CAPT Ware said, "Thank you Gena" and went on to the next NGO lead, but not without soliciting a few quiet chuckles from the group.

He is known {and loved} for his name slaughtering ways. And now he isn't the only one calling me Gena, tho he is still the only one who believes it should be the proper pronunciation of my name. The Bachelor {yes, celebrity abounds on board the Comfort} came up to me after and joked that he has been Alec instead of Andy to CAPT Ware. Tracy, Project Hope's Team Lead has decided Gena finishes off the alter ego I have created at our various DV events, 'Gena, LDS Ninja' who can be a little feisty at times.

I'm not the least bit concerned he can't remember my name and consider it part of the honor of being in league with such cool people. Banter is one of my favorite forms of communication.

When I think of patriotism I think of strong leadership, fallen heroes, and soldiers right in the mix of the ugliness of war. Both Grandpa's and Ben have been the faces for the defenders of freedom in my mind's eye. Added to that, I now have a different appreciation for those serving in every capacity, and the sacrifices they make as they do their part. I'll most likely think of them for years to come as I'm enjoying the comforts of home like summer BBQ's and fireworks.

"While the storm clouds gather far across the sea,
Let us swear allegiance to a land that's free,
Let us all be grateful for a land so fair,
As we raise our voices in a solemn prayer."

SEVEN!

2009-07-02T08:06:00.004-06:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DILLON!!!
I can't imagine a better way to celebrate SEVEN than in California with cool cousins, grandparents and your family!
And of course the fact that you are going to boring places like Disneyland and the pool have very little to do with how much fun you are having right? Riiight. :) Ride all the rides twice, once for you, once for me!
I love you Dillon!

count down: three weeks

2009-06-29T22:42:00.006-06:00

I can't believe June is over already and the last rotation of volunteers will be arriving in a couple of days. The June group made my job cake the last few weeks. It really has been a joy to be a leader out here. It has given me so much opportunity to grow.

My buddy Ryan and me after church on Sunday.
We have a steady flow of friends coming to check out our church services. We are asked loads of questions and I've had fun answering them. It's fun to talk with my friends about their perceptions of Mormons and how we have turned out to be just normal people after all. And happy. 'why do you guys smile so much?'

The ship's Bos'n has hooked me up with a great project to work on in my downtime. I'm slowly painting a deck chair made of pallets. His lair is at the bow of the ship where the hull curves in and the anchor clanks around somewhere behind the bulkhead. It isn't air conditioned so I can only paint so long before I'm smearing my work and needing a saline drip.
I like hanging around in there surrounded by a gold mine of interesting supplies. The radio picks up a little bit of the local music when the ship swings in the right direction and it smells like linseed oil, one of my all time favorite smells. Bos'n puts off a don't mess with me vibe and his door doesn't exactly advertise a warm invitation to come in and visit. I quietly got wedged my way into his good graces and will be forever grateful for him allowing me access in to a space where I can go to hang low.

roving

2009-06-27T23:41:00.010-06:00

There is always a plan around here, but it is constantly changing. A change in the plan is exactly how I found myself at a Pallet Turnover Ceremony today instead of the scheduled {and then rescheduled} meet + greet with the El Salvadorian President. The good and bad of this change of plan is that I got to go to shore. It's always good to get off the ship. The bad: heat index - somewhere around 150. Yeah, you read that right. It is hot. And that is an understatement. Luckily it was a quick thing with a few speeches, a photo op in front of the pallets with the Mayor and then we were back on the helo in time for lunch.

This is going to sound weird, especially to me, but I've lost count of my helo rides. I never thought that would happen, but it has. I'm not jaded though. I won't ever get over the thrill of riding in something that looks more like a bug than a man made machine. And it will always make me smile when they leave the doors open so I can take pictures all I want.

"America's most prestigious ship" - USNS Comfort

benjamin lee

2009-06-26T22:36:00.005-06:00

This is one of my favorite photos of you and Grandpa Rix. And bottle pool is a favorite past time with you. Ben, you are my favorite brother, and not just because you are my only one to pick from! I'm so glad we are friends.

It's been a crazy busy week here which is good, because it keeps me from thinking too much about all the fun you guys are having without me. Pumpkin pie? Mom's cookies? So glad you could be with the family on your bday.

You know I could ramble on and on about you here but what I'd be saying {in more words} is that I love you and you are a wonderful big brother!! Happy {belated} Birthday!

making up for missing out

2009-06-21T22:33:00.008-06:00

It is a good thing there has been plenty going on around here to keep my mind off of all the fun stuff going on at home or else I would be a wreck! It has made me focus all the more on the mission and doing my job because if I think about it for too long I start to come up with ploys on how to get sent home. My favorite one today: jump off the side of the Comfort into the water. it is strictly forbidden. It would be a great way to go {and safer since yesterday's plan was to break my leg}!

I spent some time yesterday afternoon out on the bow sitting in the shade watching the birds coast along with us and dive for flying fish.

After dinner last night Rachel, Chad {Big Rix} and I {little Rix} went out on the bow to enjoy the sunset and hopefully see the pod of dolphins who had been hanging around all day.

At one point there were more that 30 of them playing around the ship. It was so fun to watch them jump out of the water doing belly flops and enjoying the draft of the ship. It must be so much fun to be a dolphin!

After hearing in the confirmation briefs for the last few days that we would be anchored 10+ miles from the BLZ {boat landing zone - what would the military be without acronyms?}I thought we would be out in the ocean with not much by way of scenery around us. I was pleasantly surprised to walk outside this morning to find that we are surrounded on three sides by gorgeous views of volcanoes and lush green mountains. The weather has been my favorite kind all day too: big gray threatening clouds and gorgeous rolling green water. We were joking about being in Jurassic Park because it looks so primitive.

I'm counting down but enjoying every minute of it still. Even with home getting a good grip on me and pulling hard, I am still so excited to be a part of this and won't get in too big of a hurry to get back to the grind.

my friend, the great white

2009-06-21T02:11:00.003-06:00

Happy Father's Day Daddio!!
You know I want to be there to give you a big hug today. It is a lot to ask, but collect a few extra from the kids for me instead.

There are so many qualities I love about you Dad. I have tried and failed for the last hour to put it all into words. I've shed a few tears, and smiled as I remembered a lot of fun memories. It has been a great chance to think about how blessed I am to be your daughter. You are an exceptional person. Full of strength, genuine and selfless love for others, a quiet way about teaching and sharing the gospel, and a sense of humor that is so fun to be around. Your sense of humor is especially patient with my sense of humor since making you think I don't think your jokes are funny is something I've taken it on as personal mission in life. You are a patient man.

How many kitties have you let me {with the help of mom} talk you into keeping over the years? {not this spotted bad boy, unfortunately} Even though you didn't want them, you ended up loving them anyway. You are a big softy with a heart of gold.

I am so proud to be your daughter. Love you endlessly Daddio.
I'll eat an extra spoonful of pb today and think of you.

underway to El Salvador

2009-06-20T11:59:00.004-06:00

Being underway is so alluring. Down time, endless blue in every direction, stars at night like nothing I've ever seen before.
The Pacific has a way of making walking in a straight line feel like something of an accomplishment.

I think we are all ready to be there already though.

goodbye Tumaco

2009-06-17T11:56:00.007-06:00

We arrived at the clinic yesterday morning for the closing ceremonies and I was a little surprised at how many people were still in line to be seen. I don't know why I was surprised, it has been this way in every country. Tumaco is right behind Haiti in terms of the level of need that we have seen on this mission. It is a very poor city with a lot of unrest and terrible things going on there.
I can see how it would be easy to feel like there is too much need in the world to even begin to try, but it is cool to be a part of group who is trying anyway. The people here are happy. That is what surprises me and it shouldn't. We talk about the fact that they don't know anything else so they don't know what they are missing. I don't know if that is the reason, but I guess it might have something to do with it.
It is also hard to not be cynical or wonder if things will ever change. I was impressed with the President of Colombia. He came and toured the ship and while he was here he spoke to a group of us about his hopes for his country. He didn't strike me as a politician type, just a man with the future of his country in mind. He was very grateful for the USNS Comfort, and the good people on board.

I had the pleasure of meeting some great people here. I've been intimidated by the language barrier, but it doesn't seem to be a problem when smiles, high fives and hugs make us instant friends.

Since we can't walk around outside of the protected sites and the bus drivers don't mess around taking a leisurely tourist paced drive through town, I have resorted to holding my camera outside the window and doing my version of photography in motion. I like seeing what surprises I have when I get back to the ship.

The closing ceremonies were really great. Another Latino rock star and his group performed and the crowd went nuts. Commodore Lineberry also spoke about the success we had here. More than 60,000 health care services provided! The Seabee's built 3 schools and a kitchen, the biggest engineering project yet for CP09. 70 pallets were donated {many of those from LDS Charities} and I heard from a vet, and friend, SGT Rix {no relation} that he saw some of the donated items being given to the people who were driven from their homes recently in a raid.

The ride back to the ship was a nice relief from the humid heat. I stood in my favorite place next to the captain and got soaked by the giant swells we were diving through. The seas get really rough later in the day and while some people fight over the few spots on the boat you can sit in to stay dry, it was nice to close my eyes and get soaked on purpose.
When I got back to the ship I had an email asking me if I wanted to go on a helo ride. This isn't a normal thing. Getting emails with questions like that, or having chances to get a ride without a purpose. The pilots are busy transferring patients, pallets and important visitors.
I'd mentioned to my friend Landon {a pilot} a couple of days ago that I was really homesick and so I guess this is what he did to cheer me up. Very cool right? I'm lucky to have such fantastic friends on board. We challenge each other every other night on the ramps. I have never run so much in my life. So they are both good for my soul AND good for keeping me in shape after all the big meals around here.

alpha bravo charlie

2009-06-15T08:33:00.005-06:00

ABC Tag: {thanx Amy, HAPPY BIRTHDAY yesterday!}
A: Addiction ~ peanut butter and ping pong
B: Breakfast (what you eat) ~ cereal, peanut butter, fruit
C: Chocolate or Chips ~ chocolate, chocolate and more chocolate {it can be in chip form, so long as it is chocolate}
D: Dessert or Appetizers ~ dessert for sure {above question should answer the specifics}
E: Essential Items ~ camera and doxy {malaria pill}
F: Favorite Color ~ blue
G: Gummy Bears or Gummy Worms ~ Swedish fish
H: Hometown ~ Bountiful, UT
I: Indulgence ~ sleeping in, wearing flip flops, soft serve ice cream, internet connection
J: January or July ~ July! {July 20th!}
K: Kids ~ nope, but I hugged a bunch of really cute ones today
L: Life isn’t complete without ~ family, faith,adventure
M: Most exciting memory ~ most days on board the USNS Comfort. Helicopter ride in Haiti sticks out for sure if I had to pick just one.
N: Number of brothers & sisters ~ 1 big army brother and a super sweet sister in law {tho I like to drop the 'in law' off when I think of Kwona}
O: Oranges or Apples ~ right now I'll take any fresh fruit I can get
P: Phobias or Fears ~ missing my life and looking back and realizing it too late. I have nightmares where I miss a big chunk of life and I am too aware of the gap
Q: Quote ~ When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself. - Wayne Dyer
R: Reading currently:
My Husband, My Friend - Neille McQueen
Preach My Gospel/BoM
Angels and Demon's - Dan Brown
Lapse Into a Comma {writing style guide}
The Path Between the Seas, David Mccullough's book on the Panama Canal
I'm a librarian, I'm taking full advantage of the variety available!!
S: Summer or Spring ~ Summer
T: Tag 6 People ~ Jenny, Jax, Cara, Heather, Devry, Caty {don't hate me!}
U: Unknown fact about me ~ I have a blog, there are no unknowns...
V: Vacation I want to go on ~ really, I just want to get off the ship and see something surprising. But not right this minute. Surprising + Colombia probably wouldn't be a good combination. Australia/New Zealand are on the top of my list for far away adventure but I would take a couple of days camping right about now too.
W: Walking or Running ~ Running - up the ramps, not so much down the ramps.. up is way more fun.
X: X-Ray or Ultrasound ~ What a weird question. I don't even know how to answer this one.
Y: Your favorite Food ~ Gotta break this one down a bit: Favorite food available in the mess line - peanut butter, peanut butter cookies, pears, apple sauce {I've been told I eat like a 6 year old}
Favorite food I can't wait to have ~ granola/yogurt, Cafe Rio's pork salad, kimchi and rice, veggies, bananas, popcorn
Z: Zoo or Bowling ~ Zoo

90 years of Awesome

2009-06-14T02:08:00.003-06:00

From the time I was 'knee high to a grasshopper' Grandma would take me out on the trails around the cabin in the beautiful mountains east of Heber City and show me things. It could be any simple thing at all really; but she would make it very interesting. Rocks became dinosaur eggs, leaves were prettier when she picked them up to show me the details, I saw more creatures in the pond when she pointed them out for me. I would beg her to walk down to the creek with me. I could go by myself, but I liked it better if she would take me. Squirrels, bugs, the color of the sunsets and the moss on the rocks were all details I got to see through her eyes because she was excited to see them too. The trails we used to discover these beautiful things became ancient paths in her imagination used by Indian women and I would creep along behind her wondering if these Indian women would be happy to share their trail with us? I didn't worry too much with Grandma along to get us out of trouble.

She showed me a flower called 'Indian Paintbrush', still one of my favorite plants to spot. The one pictured above isn't the real deal I don't think, it is bushier, but when I spotted this a couple summers ago I thought of her and took a picture anyway because it sparked the memory of these walks with grandma.

I was intrigued by her paint supplies and the way she could recreate the scenes around us. I liked to poke around in her things, smelling the paints and wishing I could paint like her. She would be forever patient with me when I would paint with her. She would pull out the supplies and give me a little lesson, then let me experiment with the colors and water.

I consider myself a lucky grand kid for growing up close enough to Grandma and Grandpa so I could get dropped off there when my parents went out at night, or just to stop by when we were out running errands. It is something I still love to do. If I'm out n about I know I can drop in for a minute. {except right now, and believe me, I miss it!}

I love sitting at the table with her and hearing the family news she collects with her Sunday evening calls. She has a tap on everything, the source of as many details as can be found on all our blogs combined it seems. I enjoy her fun sense of humor. She has an insatiable love for life that draws people to her.

Happy 90th Birthday Grandma!! I love you very much and wish I could be there for the big celebration!

the Pacific side of Colombia

2009-06-11T11:25:00.004-06:00

If you remember, we spent 3 days in Cartagena at the end of last month on the Caribbean side of Colombia. Now we are in the middle of our stay in Tumaco on the Pacific side. From my one day on shore so far I liked what I saw. Jungle, lots of buildings on stilts with tsunami evacuation signs pointing inland, and gorgeous flowering trees.

I really wish I could know where these people were going on their scooter with their furniture in tow. Were they moving? Shopping? There are so many things I want to know about these places we've been. I read about them, and hear the briefs given by embassy officials, and I see the people at the clinics. But as far as really getting a good idea of what the culture is like? There isn't a good way of doing this with out getting myself in a lot of trouble. I wish I was a vet or a Seabee {construction battalion} because they really get out there and get immersed. It really has been an interesting way to travel through these countries with the Navy and on such a tight leash. I'm not complaining about that leash, it is a good thing. I get it that we are in dangerous places and force protection is an important part of our day to day life. But what I wouldn't give though to wander down some of the roads I've seen just to see what is out there.

It is probably a really good thing I am mainly on the ship. I wouldn't want to be held accountable for wandering off to see what the jungle looks like just 10' feet in... or maybe 50'... or maybe just up over that...

a thought for tuesday

2009-06-09T14:17:00.003-06:00

I feel to invite women everywhere to rise to the great potential within you. I do not ask that you reach beyond your capacity. I hope you will not nag yourselves with thoughts of failure. I hope you will not try to set goals far beyond your capacity to achieve. I hope you will simply do what you can do in the best way you know. If you do so, you will witness miracles come to pass. - President Hinckley

Colombia

2009-06-07T14:09:00.009-06:00

Some random photos for you today. That is my bed {rack} and I love it. I like crawling in there and shutting the curtains at the end of the day {or in the middle of the day for a nap!} It is like a tree house, under the sea. Very cozy. Even with close to 100 roommates!

I'm excited for a new week. Sunday nights are the hardest for me to sleep through because I like the feeling of a new week with all its possibilities. We had opening ceremonies for Tumaco, Colombia yesterday. We'll be here for ten more days. Juanes came and did a concert on board the USNS Comfort last night. I'm a big fan of his now. Google him, you could be a fan too. Apparently he is a super star in South/Central America and I believe it after the throng of people following him around yesterday. Very cool that he came on board, stood in the mess line like everyone else and is a humanitarian as well.

After the concert I was eating pb and cereal in the wardroom and getting harassed for my six year old diet when the next thing I know I'm shaking Juane's hand with my mouth full of peanut butter. Talk about a lasting impression right?

intoxicating

2009-06-06T10:35:00.002-06:00

After dinner last night I was out on the bow of the ship enjoying the last part of the sunset and watching the flying fish do there thing. Flying fish are about the coolest creatures I have seen in awhile. They look like tiny birds and slice through the waves making me wish I could join them. The color of the Pacific is such a wild change from the Caribbean. Like liquid onyx instead of matching the sapphire ring I wear from my big brother. I want to slow down time some how, enjoy each moment twice if I could. I know life will always be an adventure, but I've got the sailor's salty blood running through me now. Life on a ship is intoxicating.

Slimmy Wog no more!

2009-06-05T11:55:00.002-06:00

I think I'm about as salty as I'm ever going to be! We just crossed the equator, and with this, an old Navy initiation was brought down upon us wee lowly wogs.

The festivities began with signing a release form last night{what ever happened to good old fashion hazing?} a lot of smack talk, and being sent to our racks at 2000 to go to bed. Of course we couldn't stay in our berthing, so we had a few Wog uprisings and ran around trying for a combination of being problematic and going unnoticed by the scarier Shell backs roaming the decks looking for misbehaving wogs. The highpoint of our nighttime adventures was getting yelled at by the Commodore {all in good fun of course, but it felt real and he really did look mean for about a second!}

It was like Christmas, I couldn't sleep! I was too wound up about what was in store for us! People used to get seriously hurt doing this rite of passage. I told one of the Shell backs last night while we were playing ping pong {and smoked him I'll add} that I would be disappointed if I walked away without a scar, and possibly a tattoo.

0500 came quick once I finally fell asleep and we were woken up by people screaming at us, banging on our lockers and generally making a lot of noise.

I slept in my clothes ready to go, contacts in, and sass running through my veins. We were taken upstairs to CAS REC where we had to 'duck walk' {walk and squat at the same time} and sing songs like Row Row Row Your Boat and Anchors Aweigh. We did some PT to wake up, got sprayed down so the flour we rolled in next would stick, and bear crawled up the ramps to the Mess Decks where we enjoyed green eggs, pink pancakes and purple rice for breakfast. Silverware was out of the question and eating with our hands was prohibited. If caught, it was more singing, or any other form of madness, like ice cubes down our backs.

Back to CAS REC for more PT stuff, lots of rolling around and getting yelled at by the Shell backs. We were blindfolded at this point and lead outside where we crawled through garbage on our hands and knees, got hosed down while we did more push ups, jumping jacks, and my favorite: blowing the water out of the holes in the flight deck used to strap the helicopters down.

I decided against slipping gracefully into the huge box full of florescent green water and did a canon ball instead. This reigned down on me more push ups and more yelling. I loved it! Bring it on! On to dance for the 'baby' {Jacey is a giant more than a man} and had my face smeared in his Crisco covered belly.

From here I dunked my head in a toilet full of who knows what, did more PT, then finally just when I'd about had enough I was hosed down by the fire hoses once more so I could be presented to King Neptune where I was declared a Shell back!

Accountability

2009-06-03T00:12:00.003-06:00

I have three things for you today:

One, I don't like to blog without pictures. It just isn't the same for me. I am a visual person so I guess I feel like I can't tell you a proper story with out them.

But, I don't come empty handed! I'm going to give you an alternative. For any of you who want to a get a glimpse of what life is like on board the USNS Comfort, today is the day to do it!

We are transiting through the Panama Canal and as we go through the locks there are live web cams that will show you what we are up to.

This is the website:

http://www.pancanal.com/eng/multimedia/index.html

Here are our scheduled times at the three locks, subject to change a bit of course.

Enter Gatun Locks: 0615

Clear Gatun Locks: 0805

Enter Pedro Miguel Locks: 1245

Clear Pedro Miguel Locks: 1335

Enter Miraflores Locks: 1405

Clear Miraflores Locks: 1515

Note: All times are local Panama time. Add one hour for EDT.

Pictures to follow. I made the trip from Colon to Panama City today to pick up our June team and saw parts of the canal. I'm excited. {which could explain the 0130 blogging}

2. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAG! You're an old man now, 27? Wow.

3. And I should point out that this is a complete shift in tones.

We lost a shipmate last night. HMC Pamela Branum died in her sleep and it came a shock because she was one of those people that make things brighter. Quick wit, sharp, and kind. I really liked her and was looking forward to working with her more since she is over personnel movements and I just became a whole lot more involved with that aspect of the mission.

She made an impact on me early on, so much so that I quoted her in my journal and have quoted her a few times since. A few of us were 'stragglers' as we came in late to the 0730 muster and it was becoming a trend. She put a stop to it with a good talk about accountability. She talked about it in a way that struck me as more than just being on time. I liked her approach, not only on this, but as a leader. I thought of her as an example.

Another memory that stuck out to me as I've thought about her today was around the time my mom was coming to stay. I was hurrying in one direction and Chief was hurrying the other way but she stopped and called out something to the effect that she was happy for me that my mom would be on board with me soon. This might seem simple, and really I guess it was, but these commanders are so busy and she is in charge of all the personnel coming and going so for her to remember something about me made me feel like part of the team and it came on one of those days when a kind word was needed. From talking to a few of the other people here, she seemed to have had a talent for being there at the right time with a solution or a smile.

I am happy to have had the opportunity to brush shoulders with such a high caliber woman.

liberty port

2009-05-24T12:55:00.013-06:00

We just enjoyed three days in Cartagena, Colombia for our liberty port {vacation} and are now in Panama. I celebrated my 'hump day' the first day we were there. I will be home before I know it, and I'm not at all ready for that reality yet.

We stuffed each day with as much as possible. The first day we were there I was 'voluntold' to go to the Mil to Mil reception at the officer's club. I like parties but I didn't think I wanted to go. I wanted to be poolside and enjoying the non-ship life. It turned out to be a really fun night full of dancing and adventure; including but not limited to a swim in the ocean in my party clothes and a taxi ride with a destination unclear to the driver and no way to communicate it other than miming waves and saying 'naval base' with a lot of different inflections in my voice until by chance I saw the gate as we zoomed down the street Top Gear style. Taxis are 5000 pesos no matter where we wanted to go. {$2.50}

The part of Cartagena known as the Old City is a surrounded by a stone wall and is very pretty. It felt like a movie set, like this was someones interpretation of what a city street should look like in Colombia. It was the lack of electrical wires or garbage throwing me off. The streets are jam packed with vendors and people. Lots of music and commotion and even though it is a really old city and there is that wonderful ancient culture, there is also an undercurrent with a trendy vibe coming from the ultra cool restaurants and designer shops lined up in perfectly manicured buildings. The street vendors on the sidewalk outside strike up this crazy contrast that made each corner turned a surprise because I never knew what to expect: old cathedral, designer bags, or a street vendor selling lime aide or candied goods in large glass jars.

We went on an MWR tour the second day to an island beach club on a yacht. It wasn't really a yacht, and it wasn't really a beach club. Fine Colombian advertising at its very best. But we had a great day regardless. I snorkeled for the first time and had fun playing in the water for hours. The boat ride to and from was a lot of fun too. Dance contests and beautiful sites. We were learning how to salsa on the way home and I didn't have a partner so I danced with the instructor. It was fun if I ignored the fact that he was yelling into the microphone what not to do based on what I was doing. 'Don't move like a mechanical.' Oh man.

The third and final day we started early by touring a castle, then we wandered the city for hours and hours. Over 12 hours if we are counting. It was incredibly hot, something like a 105 degree heat index. That is super hot and humid.

My fixation with finding the perfect souvenir while growing up has been replaced with finding pictures that will remind me of the way I felt while visiting a place. It is a lot less expensive and frustrating, and a whole lot more gratifying in the end. I think this next picture of the baby is in my top 5 favorite. He was so happy to be hanging around with his mom who was one of the many vendors in one of the plazas.

One of my favorite things about this trip was having my mom with me. We have been having a blast.

If I got stuck in Colombia {if I, oops, missed the boat} I would set up shop selling limes on the street during the day then make and sell jewelry at night. My friend told me I was over qualified for the position but I told him I thought I'd probably have a lot to learn before I was able to live off of my lime stand.

ship life

2009-05-16T10:49:00.004-06:00

Meet my adopted brother, Sgt Chad Rix. Along with people putting it together that my mom is here, I get questioned all the time, 'Is that vet guy your husband or your brother?' Neither, but I'll gladly take him as a brother, he is super cool and hooks us up with pineapple and other good stuff from his adventures out with the animals.

My dad has been asking for more photos of my mom. Here you go dad.

It has become tradition to go fishing as the ministry team when the army chaplain leaves after his 3 week rotation. We've had two come and go now and expect a new arrival in Columbia. We haven't caught anything yet, but we have a good time. I am reading a book on U.S. Denominations to keep up with all the religions I'm being exposed to.

I haven't shared photos from the interior of the ship because, honestly, the inside is dark and not aesthetically pleasing. A designer's nightmare. But like everything else about the experience, I love it for what it is, {utilitarian at its finest} Since it is a pretty unique way of life I thought you guys might like to see some of it.

The days are predictable, but not in a bad way.

0600 - 'Reveille Reveille. All hands turn out and trice up. Breakfast for the crew.'

This is how we are woken up. If you can sleep through the 'call aways' that while we are in port start as early as 0445 and continue throughout the day. Call aways are the announcements made an hour before a boat departs and goes something like this, 'Call away, call away, now mustering Alpha Bravo 27 in CAS REC' which means boat 27 for Antigua is meeting in Casualty Receiving to call off the names on the manifest and you better be there or Gunny will be an angry marine.

The next announcement will be at 0730 'Quarters for muster. Submit muster reports to Admin by 0830' which means you'd better be where you muster because they are calling roll and then reading the POD {plan of the day}

I'm usually a little late to everything in the morning in real life, but walking in a little late to muster is like asking for a good stare down. So my morning exercise is running from the mess deck to Admin at around 0728 to slide in right as this announcement is being made.

This is the 3 aft level of the ship. This is where the Chaplain's office, chapel, self serve laundry, officer's lounge, barber shop and MSC berthing can be found. After muster in Admin I come downstairs with RP2, RP3 and we sweep and swab the decks and vacuum the Officer Lounge.

At 0800 and 1500 every day an announcement is made:

Sweepers, Sweepers man your brooms

Give this ship a clean sweep down

For and Aft

Sweep down all the lower decks, ladder wells and passage ways

Hold all trash on stations

Now sweepers

We are usually done with our cleaning before they call this out, but if you are traveling around the ship during this time you'll see people everywhere cleaning. Very motivational.

After we are done cleaning we hang around the office and chat until Chaps is done with his 0730 meeting then we have our morning ministry meeting. Chaps lets us know what is coming up, they plan the worship services and we talk about the day. It is a nice way to start the day with a prayer and some laughs.

Next time, I'll show you berthing, chow, and a plethora of scenes from day to day life on board the USNS Comfort T-AH-20

last day in Anitgua

2009-05-15T12:43:00.004-06:00

It is our last day in Antigua. Tomorrow we are on our way to Columbia where we will have three days of vacation. Also while we are there I will hit my half way mark and will be home before I know it.

I don't want to think about that just yet. I'm not ready to be done, and don't know if I'll be any more ready at the end of July, although I am excited to get back to school in the fall.

When I started playing with the idea of doing something in between semesters I couldn't have imagined falling into such an amazing opportunity. I feel a little like a broken record when I say this has been the most incredible experience. I feel a huge responsibility to do my small part to the fullest to make this mission a success.

If you want to read more about what we have been up to {other than this blog and the cp2009 blog} The Church News also has an article on Continuing Promise 2009.

Mail Call, Mail Call

2009-05-13T11:49:00.005-06:00

olCHEFski, You asked for a eulogy, and I've tried to think of something wonderfully articulate and moving, but I can only come up with inappropriate things like 'you might think you can eat more hot dogs than me, but you can't'. It isn't nice to rub short comings in the face of the eulogised.

The COMREL last week was enjoyable, even with lack of planning. We ended up at a rest home when we should have been at a boy's school doing yard work, but I was ok with the mix up. There were a few buildings with rows of beds for the residents in each, and an overall peaceful atmosphere. I liked the airy openness to the rooms allowing birds to fly in and wander around. Angel is one of my new friends I made during our visit.

A new aspect to my days: I'm a mail orderly now. {Not to be confused with a male orderly. Easily done as Chaps tried to wrap his head around how I might be suited for that position.}

I was asked to pick up the mail for our group {LDS Charities} and what I thought would be just as easy as walking in and asking for the mail turned into forms, signatures, and some light training. I could find myself in prison, or fined heavily, should I do any number of things that I don't plan on doing like giving someone a piece of mail not addressed to them, tampering with stamps, et al.

What does my tattoo say, you may be wondering. 'Property of the United States Navy' and below is 'small package'. The other arm: spoiled, fragile, and do not bend.

Happy Mother's Day from St. John's, Antigua!

2009-05-10T10:10:00.006-06:00

Amazingly enough I didn't see my mom for an entire day, and then some. I last saw her Thursday night before I went to work, then we somehow missed each other all day Friday. I went out on a COMREL early Saturday morning and finally hunted her down after dinner when I get back. Once I found her we headed for the weather decks to relax and enjoy the sunset.

Being the cool lady that she is, she has volunteered to work nights in the ICU. True she has had years of practice doing the night owl thing. But at home it was common knowledge that 8 - 10 pm was her time to sleep and slamming doors or talking loud wasn't permitted. Then she had the house to herself when we'd go off to work and school.

It is a little different here on the USNS Comfort because the 1MC {announcements} goes off for everything from 'Serial Call Aways' starting at 5 am, scheduled announcements like "Sweepers, Sweepers...." and then the constant random paging of personnel and calls for trash to be taken to the incinerator or the trash barge...

How will she get any sleep?? If anyone can pull this off and still have a smile on their face, it is my mom. She has super human patience, as has been tested raising a child like me. {Ben was the good kid.}

This photo is from last Sunday. We had an UNREP {underway replenish} which means fresh fruit and veggies again. It was fun to watch the helo fly back and forth with pallets, all the while we were hooked up {see the lines?} getting 500,000 gallons of fuel.

I'm so glad my mom is here with me to celebrate Mother's Day together. Since I talked about her coming for the last month, her reputation preceded her. It is a common thing to hear, 'Oh hey Jenna's Mom!' And we get questions and jokes all the time. The Vet Tech on board happens to have the same last name and calls her Mom too. I'm happy to share cuz she is The Coolest.

Happy Mother's Day to all you bloggers back home too. Grandma, I love you! Vicky, Michele - I'm so lucky to have aunts like you! {and to all my great aunts who check in - I love you guys too!} Coree, Cara, Heather, Devry, Lindee {your pets count as kids right?} - Bloggn cousins rock! {still wishing Linnea and Danielle would jump on the bloggn wagon!}

Jax, Shan, Jen, Amy, Peach - I've been impressed with each of you as you've started your families and are raising your sweet, cute kids.

Don't think I forgot you Kwona. You are a rockstar. You are the amazing mother to my very most favorite kids in the whole wide world. You are wonderful.

I'm taking notes from each of you, I love you all!

sittin at the dock of the bay

2009-05-08T07:01:00.005-06:00

We went to shore for a ceremony {more on the at ContinuingPromise2009 shortly} and afterwards I was talking to a couple of the Navy guys when the ACE team NCIS agent came up and told them he needed their help to drop off generators to one of the work sites. I asked if they needed a NUB to come along {non-essential useless body}. Of course.

We dropped off the equipment at a school then went on our merry way. We were hungry {when am I not hungry?} so Pete, the NCIS guy, {I wasn't as celebrity stricken this time around} took us to a road side shack for some of Antigua's fantastic fare.

Going with my customary 'give me your favorites' the woman there said in her lyrical drawl 'Watch me keenly, I show you the best.' and filled my 'walk away' with rice, chicken curry, lasagna, and mac n cheese with curry sauce drizzled all over the whole thing. I also had ox tail and conch meat. {who knew you could eat those things?} The very best part of the meal was the Banana Pancakes {top left corner}. I have a new appreciation for that Jack Johnson song now.

From my blog you might get the idea that it is all play and no work {no comment from you Santa Da'rell!}. But the work feels like play. We spent the afternoon at the clinic in the GYN area. My mom was screening patients as well as escorting them to the doctors. I was transferring them to radiology, the lab, or pharmacy. I didn't think I'd get a chance to work in the clinics being a non-medical volunteer so yesterday was a treat to play with the kids and talk with the women. We laughed a lot trying to understand each other's English.

I usually only sing 'sittin at the dock of the bay' whilst making icecream shakes but I hummed it to myself yesterday while I soaked in the sun waiting for our ride back to the USNS Comfort {I'm going to start calling the ship by it's full name so my blog will ping on google searches}

milling about smartly

2009-05-06T11:13:00.008-06:00

'milling about smartly' is a term used to define looking busy. I was doing just that yesterday morning, I'm pretty good at it I think. I spent some time looking out at Antigua wishing I was there, then wandered the ship running small errands that, for the most part, are made up to give me something to do. I decided to make a stop in CASREC since there was a group getting ready to get on a boat and it is entertaining to listen to Gunny yell at people. He was yelling out the names of those going, checking them off on the manifest, so I headed off to my next destination and was just around the corner when I heard him yell out my name. Me? I went back to see if I'd heard right and the Lieutenant in charge of the NGOs on board told me he'd put me on the list.
I ran downstairs, grabbed my pack and an MRE from my locker and boarded the boat.

Antigua is pretty, but I'm sure you could have guessed that. The town is relaxed in the way you would expect a resort cruise liner port to be. Lots of tourists, vendors, reggae music, dogs, those awesome colors I'm in love with, that until now, have only lived in my idea of what the Caribbean should look like. I'm not disappointed in the slightest.

We had some time to kill before we were meeting with the senior missionaries so Rob and I ventured out and wandered the streets. I liked this vendor, I resisted taking a picture of her because they don't like it, so I took a picture of the saying on the side of her cart instead.

I've been good. I haven't even tried to touch or catch any of the creatures I've seen, no matter how tempting.

On the way back to the Comfort we got hit by one of those fast moving rainstorms that pop up once a day in the afternoons. I was soaked in a matter of seconds since I was sitting in the uncovered part. Dave, the captain, said I could stand up next to him so I enjoyed the rest of the trip with an amazing, but a little blurry, view of the cliffs and stormy green seas. The temp of the water? 82 degrees. I really wish I would have fallen overboard.

COMREL and shipmates

2009-05-04T12:26:00.009-06:00

Angie, me, Sloane and Rachel. We have a lot of fun together when we're not working in our various places around the ship {when we're working we're still having fun, don't read that the wrong way}. If I'm ever in need of a friend I can make a sweep of the ship and find at least one of them hanging around the places we like to spend our downtime. Fantail, sun deck, bow, flight deck, and our new favorite: aft tower {or Masada as my mom nicknamed it last night}.

The first COMREL {community relations project} in Dom Rep was a fun day for me. The volunteers from the ship included a group from the laundry/ship store/vending machine crew. We met up with a group from the US Embassy as well as a few people from the Peace Corps.

We were bused to a park about a half hour away from the BLZ {boat loading zone} where we planted trees {my favorite part cuz I love playing in the dirt}, painted a playground, cleaned up the river banks and picked up trash. It is a beautiful park that takes maybe five minutes to drive by and has paths along the river and all kinds of plants and trees I've never seen before.

We had a BBQ and listened to the Air Force Rock Band rock out when we were all done cleaning up. The band is really good and the crowd went nuts when they played some popular Spanish songs. Imagine two pavilions set up on top of a hill overlooking countryside. The band was under one rockin out, and the crazy crowd under the other one. It started pouring at one point and everyone just kept dancing and singing along.

I have lost count of the times during a day where I look around and smile and think, 'This is my life.'

Temple trip in Dominican Republic

2009-05-03T07:02:00.011-06:00

We got super lucky and had an over night liberty in Dominican Republic. This wasn't supposed to happen, but I'll be forever grateful it did. I didn't realize how much I needed to get off the ship until I was in the taxi bus on the way to the Temple grounds.

The buses really set the mood for the place by blasting awesome Latin music and swerving in and out of the hectic traffic.

Food. One day my metabolism is going to slow down and I'm going to be in trouble. I ate all that food, plus some of Angie's.

This could have been one of the most embarrassing moments for me, had I been more aware of what was going on.

These are all things I noticed and registered a little too late: The band that was sitting in the shade when we first walked into the courtyard were now lined up ready to go, people were gathering around the stone archway leading from the street into the courtyard, news type cameras were all pointed towards the opening, everyone was looking in the same direction...

My focus to make me oblivious: I couldn't see my friends anymore and caught a glimpse of one of them crossing the street on the other side of the stone entrance. We have told repeatedly not to be alone. I wasn't going to be the first to mysteriously disappear. {I never felt in danger, just trying to obey the rules}

I made my way through the crowd and into the cool shade of the wall and started to notice the above mentioned clues that something was going down.

I knew I was playing the part of the ignorant tourist when I noticed I was one of four people in the dark passage way. The two guards we had passed coming in, and a very tall man wearing what I can only assume to be the uniform of a very important military man. Clues: Shiny devices on his lapels, a gang of ribbons and badges on his chest, a very straight posture and super shiny shoes..

He met my eye and I smiled and held my head high. I knew then that I'd ruined his 'grand entrance' by being the backside of some white girl in the photo op so I might as well be friendly right?

The street market where we hung around for an hour or so shopping, soaking in the chill vibe of the Caribbean, and of course I was snapping shots of the architecture and anything colorful.

This place is a designer's dream. The vibrant layered colors on old crumbling stucco, the murals, the pairing of old with new. I have a new source of inspiration to add to my other favorite places: desert and asian. What a combo right?

I am so proud to call the Comfort home for 3 more months. Getting off and doing my own thing for a bit reminded me how grateful I am to have this chance to be here.

We {Rachel, Sloane, Angie and myself - I have a photo, but of course it won't load} laid around on the spongy grass and chatted when we first arrived at the Temple grounds. Great view and it even rained just enough to break up the sweltering humidity with full on humidity} We were able to stay at the MTC {$3 a night} and we all had really neat experiences while there meeting the people and enjoying the peace inside the temple.

flight ops, more Haiti and MSCs

2009-04-26T07:07:00.009-06:00

I'm outside again loving the wi-fi. I guess it has been installed on the ship. I'm waiting to be excited until I know for sure. I should teach you a term now. Scuttlebutt. defined: rumor. Rumors run rapid and I never believe anything I hear until it has been confirmed by someone with authority. I know rumors are a thing of every day life but believe me when I say they take on a whole new level here.
I took so many pictures in Haiti the day I was onshore but never got a chance to share. These women were at the public market we drove through. We were stuck in traffic for a long time. Of course I didn't mind because of the volume of activity for me to watch. People were everywhere. They were walking in the traffic that has no rules. No stop signs, no right or wrong side of the street. Everyone honking. Under the parked trucks people are selling onions and other wares.

This guy is the Bozeman {Boz} of the ship. He is one of the MSC's on board and saw the opportunity to set up a cart outside where the boats are being launched. Quite the entrepreneur. They are the engineers and captains who run the ship and aren't military. I have a matching bracelet now like the one he is wearing. The MSC's let me know that I'm officially one of the crew by wearing it. It's a cool knot type thing that has a interesting name {that I've forgotten} but it's a love knot sailors give to the ladies.
the helicopter comes and goes so often that that constant vibrating in the mess decks or seeing it hover above us is just another background noise. {and fun to watch}More fishing. One of my favorite things about life on the Comfort {other than the 3 huge meals a day} are the skies. Never the same thing twice.

office with a view: 1-83-0

2009-04-25T07:46:00.004-06:00

Abandon ship drill. RP2 Fields and RP3 Strothers. The 2 guys I work with in the library.

Serving chow

We haven't had access to internet for days now. I brought my laptop outside to see if I could get lucky with wi-fi and I did!! It's fast and the view is unbelievable! I'm port side, in the shade, watching the boats come and go with the people going to shore. Dom Rep is just right there. So close, but I haven't made it there yet. Hopefully next week.
Fitting that the Ministry Team would go fishing together as a farewell party to Rev. Sparks.

'Sparky'
He is a one of a kind character. I've had such a good time working with these guys.

My friend Chuck.

constellations

2009-04-20T10:49:00.004-06:00

Haiti is in our rear view mirror so to speak. We pulled out of the bay around 1700 last night and the sea and sunset were absolutely beautiful {pictures to come, I promise}

I love when we are underway. I could be a sailor, or maybe a pirate. {their outfits are cuter}The rolling makes it fun to walk down the halls like a drunken sailor, the wind feels great after the humid heat, the movement makes me sleep like a baby. All of it.

It's been a bit of a holiday on board since we got underway. We were told to take advantage of the relaxed schedule. Get some extra sleep, decompress. I had good intentions of sleeping for hours.

We met for sacrament meeting last night, then went out to the flight deck and watched 'Taken' projected on the side of the helicopter garage.

I couldn't focus on the movie, I was too distracted by the backdrop. I have never seen so many stars in my life.

After the movie Daryl, Chuck and I went up to the highest deck where the pallets are kept and laid back on lounge chairs made out of crates and enjoyed the view. Time flew by and I didn't realize I'd missed on my extra sleep time, but it was well worth it. I wish I weren't so tired so I could think of words to describe the beauty and the awe I felt looking at one of Heavenly Father's beautiful creations that is so much bigger than my understanding.

hope floats

2009-04-18T17:06:00.005-06:00

The little blip on the horizon is The Comfort. {The other tiny spec is the helicopter.} Seeing it from this perspective is strange because I've spent the last 19 days {with the exception of 1 day} on this ship. Crazy to be reminded of how small it is in comparison to it's surroundings when all the places I spend my time, day and night, are contained in that small space.

The Tooth. Need I say more? It's hot and the eyes are to low to see out of. I have all kinds of jokes. What do you call a tooth when it faints?

Impacted.

funny right?

cloud nine

2009-04-16T16:49:00.006-06:00

It’s hard to choose what to tell you guys about. There is so much going on all the time, and so much of it unlike anything I’ve ever done.

Monday night I discovered I wasn’t on the manifest to get on a boat to go to Haiti as planned. I tried tracking down the right person to fix the problem, but couldn’t find her. I set my alarm for 5 am anyway and got up after deciding that I would figure something out.

I saw ‘Big Al’ on the MasDec where we ‘muster’ to go and asked him who I should talk to about getting on a boat. He told me I wasn’t going to be able to get on one since they were full. Instead, I should come up to the flight deck and catch a ride on the helicopter. Oh, if I have to. WHAT?! WOW.

Bird's eye of the busy market

The next 15 minutes were the longest because we were waiting to see if the other slated passengers would show up. They didn’t. Al asked if I had a long sleeve shirt in my pack. No, but I’ll get one. I’ve never made the trek up and down the 86 stairs so fast in my stay here on the Comfort.

I lucked out with a seat next to the door. We lifted off in the blink of an eye. One minute I'm watching the guys on the deck, the next we are way above the boat and turning on a dime. It wasn't until then that realized they were going to leave the doors open for us so we could have a clear view of the scenery below. I was told the trip would be a short one, but because the XO was with us and he was going to Haiti to look at the different medical sites and projects going on, we flew along the shoreline and did a few loops around the area. I didn’t mind the extended trip in the slightest.

I hadn’t lived until I rode in a helicopter! I took a ton of pictures {close to 200 total thruout the day} I had the time of my life and yesterday I had the thought, ‘How am I going to top this?’ It seems impossible.

The day was one of those days that everything is simply awesome. One of the humanitains here in Haiti needed to be escorted into the gated area where we landed. The pallets of donated goods are being stored there and she was there with two big trucks to take food to the people in need. This required a ride through a very crowded market place. I was taking it all in as much as I could because I knew it was rare glimpse of the city. Normal procedure is directly to and from the medical sites. How did I get so lucky to see so much of what makes Haiti so cool?

Next, we drove into town where the Seabees are working on fixing up a hospital. From there we were escorted by a guard on a short walk down the road to the Institute where I worked {or played} the rest of the day as ‘The Tooth’.

I walked the outdoor halls in my 7’ foam insulated costume in ‘hot as Haiti’ weather in between classes at a health fair for young nurses from different institutes. While they were in class I hung out on the balcony overlooking the busy street below drinking water and enjoying the constant flow of foot traffic below. The people walking by would smile and wave.

From the reports coming back all week from people coming back from the country I expected to not like Haiti, but I did. It is beautiful in a hectic, vibrant way. It is the most populated country in the world. Isn’t that crazy?

The other crazy thing is that I'm here in the lounge putting this post on the net and realized I didn't upload a picture of me in The Tooth getup. Goodness, that just won't do. I'll post it later.

bonjou

2009-04-11T15:14:00.006-06:00

Nothing new for me to tell you, just enjoying my saturday afternoon. The hospital has patients, the dignitaries have come and gone, my laundry is done... I don't know what else to do today. I had the slacker shift at the library today. One whole hour to cover the morning shift while Reyes went to chow.

I like seeing the variety of boats that come by during the day.

Doesn't that look like the Black Pearl in the distance? OK, not really, but I'd prefer Johnny Depp over the real pirates out there.

chow celebrity

2009-04-11T08:45:00.005-06:00

Chow {meals} is fun. I like standing in lines and having a bunch of starchy stuff to pick from to eat. I'm catching on to how where to fresh stuff hides out in the line up and I'm staying away from all the other stuff. {My ankels are totally swollen from all the salt}

I was enjoying my hard boiled egg, oatmeal and melons yesterday morning when a couple new faces sat down at my table. I hadn't seen them around yet but that really isn't surprising. We introduced ourselves and I found out they had just come on board with the Rear Admiral for a few days.

We were chatting about whatever when one of the colleagues came and sat down. The first thing I noticed was 'NCIS' on her shirt. OH! SWEET!

She left to get a drink and I asked them if she was for real? Of course. They laughed and said they'd introduce me. I got shy.

I was starstruck. I love that show. She gave me a badge. I show it to everyone.

Haiti

2009-04-09T10:14:00.003-06:00

The fantail. Love this part of the ship. It's where everyone goes to escape the beige-ness. OK, so maybe I'm the only one escaping the horrible color of the walls, but everyone loves the fresh air and relative quiet altho there is still plenty of noise there too. I haven't heard complete silence since I got here. Don't take it for granted.

Republic of Haiti

I know it is just water but I haven't got tired of looking at it yet.

Wandering the ship the other night we found a lounge chair on one of the decks that is used to store all the donated goods. Can't find me? This is where I'll be hiding.

I was out on the fantail last night after dinner enjoying the fresh air when I noticed a flashing light off in the distance. It took me a second to realize it wasn't a boat, it was a lighthouse. Land. Haiti.

We didn't actually pull in to the port until this morning. I heard the first call to the MAS deck to muster and board the boats to go ashore and the excitement level went up a notch. Right now as I'm typing the helicopter is landing after being gone for about a half hour. It has been coming and going all morning as well as the boats taking in supplies and the first 'boots on the ground' setting up for the clinics tomorrow. The whole ship has been buzzing with this enthusiasm that is so contagious. I woke up this morning for the third morning in a row without the aid of my alarm clock ready to get up and do something. Anything. It's like I've been plugged in to some invisible battery. That, or the amount of carb consumption is propelling me up and down the stairs, but I think it is the feeling of being part of something like this that keeps us all buzzing.

Working with the Chaplain has been a treat. I go to am mornings with him and his staff. We talk about the upcoming day and ways that we can be most useful. I've filled out my paperwork to go onshore sometime next week to do some community stuff including being a part of Project Hand Clasp. {giving out teddy bears to kids}

second day

2009-04-07T08:27:00.003-06:00

update: Don't use the military email address I gave out. I don't have access to it anymore. If you've sent anything to it, please send it again to my gmail account.

Life is good. I'm somewhere on the way to Haiti. We are going 'the long way' so we get there about the same time as the others meeting us there. We are in the Bermuda Triangle! How cool is that?

I like the rolling of the ship. It's weird and different. I'm rocking back and forth as I write this and it is a totally cool feeling.

The water is beautiful. A blue color I've only ever seen in a tube of paint. Aquamarine? Gorgeous. I have found that anywhere I have to go onboard can be rerouted so that I 'have' to go outside to get there. This is easy to do since even tho I live on the lowest level, and muster in a low level, and you'd think I'd never see the light of day, I have to come up to a main level to get there. Why not go outside to do it?

Met with our commander yesterday to get my assignment. I'm working in the library while we are 'underway' and filling in wherever needed. When we get to our destinations I will be working on 'com rels' re: going on shore to help with community projects. We've had lots of briefings to go to and lots more on the schedule today. {I'm in the Navy now!} Love the briefings, feels official. {I can hear you laughing Ben}

First Full Day

2009-04-06T13:16:00.004-06:00

Started early, or I guess just blended with yesterday in a way.


I've moved into my berth, there are 93 racks {bunks} stacked 3 high.  We
aren't at capacity, Rachel and I have 6 to ourselves and we both are on
the middle bunk.  Not too high, not too low.  Skinny little bed with a
curtain to keep out the glare of the emergency exit sign located
directly across from me.

The head {bathroom} is nearby. The mess hall is 8 floors up.  The flight
deck is 2 more above that.  I went outside this morning to see what was
happening and found that we were already underway.  We were escorted out
to sea by fire fighter boats spraying water.  The Witch Doctors {guys
who take care of the helicopters} were more than happy to show me around
and explain their part of the mission.

Everyone is very friendly.  I'm trying to remember all the names.  There
are 900+ people onboard from all branches of military, including
military from Canada, France, Venezuela, etc.  There are doctors from
all over the world, a dental school from CA, Project Hope, Face, the
list goes on and will be even longer as the mission goes on.

We did an orientation this morning to let us know about the boat, safety
etc.  We will at some point be blindfolded and have to find our way to
an exit.  {looking forward to this}

We just finished lunch.  My new buddy Rachel and I sat down at an empty
table for what we thought would be a quick lunch so we could go take
naps {less than a couple hours of sleep total last night} when a
friendly gentleman asked to join us.  Soon the table was full and I
asked him what his command was.  He didn't answer directly, but the man
next to him said "He's the man in charge."  Commodore.  But 'Call me
Bob.' Is what he told us.

This has been my experience with everyone on board so far.  Friendly,
easy going, and ready to work.  We get to Haiti Thursday morning, will
start taking on patients the following day, then surgeries start the day
after that.

Off to 'muster' we do this 3 times a day.  Meet with our commander and
take roll.  If we are late or don't make it they assume the worse.  Stop
the boat {takes 3 miles to do so} turn around {another mile} and
commence a man over board search.

3 minutes to climb 6 flights, better get goin

Miss u all.

bon voyage

2009-04-04T19:50:00.004-06:00

To do lists:

finals are finished.

my stuff has been moved to the basement and awaits in a tidy pile in my new room for me to come home and put it all away. I'm so excited to put it all away! Something to look forward to when I get home

my bags are packed and have been weighed {45 lbs. and not an inch to spare}

the alarm has been set for 4:30 {just getting used to military schedules I suppose}

new blog set up for the usns comfort - continuing promise {check the sidebar}

I have run ten thousand errands and crossed everything off of my lists...except saying goodbye. I avoid it like the plague. I don't do it. So if you are wondering why I haven't said goodbye? It's just something I avoid.

Left to do: Teach my dad how to blog so you guys can see what we're up to. {Hoping for updates once a week} I've set it up so your comments will get forwarded to my military email. I'll miss checking in with your blogs so if there is anything going on remember your friend {me} and fill me in the old fashion way {re: email!}

All aboard!

final + moving

2009-04-01T20:39:00.006-06:00

blurry proof of hours of work over the last month on my studio final. So crazy that after all that time spent the only thing I have to show are two boards {and a specification cd detailing every last fixture, fabric and accessory in the space}

What I'd really love is to see if the space actually works. It does in my head but would someone really want to live there? It's a bit anticlimactic to spend all that time thinking of every last detail, present the thing, then stop thinking about it and add the boards to the growing pile in my room.
We're playing musical rooms here at the house. Frybaby promised me I'd see this happen if I lived here long enough. I love change! The guys are being moved from the basement to the top floor and Coree, Casey and I are taking over the basement. Most excited about the closet below the stairs. I feel like I'm bargain shopping in my own closet. {It rocks in there}

I went and picked colors for the new room {technically the theater room}. My favorite out of the bunch is Golden Cricket - yellow with some great gray/green undertones. It is a warm, but not in a big obvious way so it can help with the mental coolness of the basement. Can't wait to see if the 'client' likes it.

A major + to the day is my new drafting table I picked up from my studio professor tonight for a total bargain. Handmade and sleek. Has me excited about next semester.

"everyone, rich or poor, deserves a shelter for the soul"

2009-03-31T23:23:00.004-06:00

“Architecture has to be greater than just architecture. It has to address social values, as well as technical and aesthetic values. On top of that, the one true gift that an architect has is his or her imagination. We take something ordinary and elevate it to something extraordinary.” Samual Mockbee

I just tried my hardest to track down a quote I heard by this man today. He was the genius architect behind Rural Studio. Something I would love to get involved in if I ever got the chance.

So the quote I was really after was about how we need to recognize when we are going through the motions without seeing the purpose. Only he had a much more profound way of saying it that really made me stop to consider what it meant.

I won't go on and on about it since I can't even share the real deal. I really could go on and on. I've been going full speed all day and don't know how to turn it off. Just putting it out there as a half baked thought.

I'm so close to being done with finals I can almost feel the satisfaction. So so close, but I just remembered CAD.

give me a reason

2009-03-30T15:26:00.002-06:00

there is a couple rooms here at the bc dedicated to CAD. One has a plotter {really large printer} the other does not.

I'm in the plotter-less room. I have a large drawing to print. But there is a class in the other room. I've peeked in a few times and the instructor is sitting quietly at her desk while the handful of students are working together on something I assume are group projects.

No harm in sneaking in and using a computer at the back of class right? I've been in classes in that room before when there have been random students in back plotting things. My turn.

I no sooner sat down quietly and without a single student turning to look to see who just snuck in, when the lady snapped to attention and informed in a loud {and rather rude} manner that they were in class.

right. I see that. But you aren't lecturing, people aren't presenting things, and I was way less disruptive than your loud territorial outburst. My my. This is what I would have said if I was the kind of person to say my thoughts without thinking it through first.

give me a reason lady.

This little story represents the moments in my harried schedule where I feel the stress. I have about 7 lists running right now that I consult and they keep me happy and sane. {I find great joy in crossing things off} I don't feel the stress until presented with the opportunity to lash out at authoritative figures who like laying down the law for no other reason than they can.

six days and counting

the skinny

2009-03-24T09:31:00.001-06:00

Saturday we went to the JSB to be oriented to the upcoming trip. Here's what I learned.

How it came to be: The church was asked if our missionaries could be used as translators in the different ports. Yes, is there anything else we can do? Supplies? OK. Staff? OK. This year is the first year for the church has been involved and they didn't think they would be able to find enough people who could take months off of work at a time. We are completely staffed and ready to go.

Countries we will visit: Haiti, Dominican Republic, Antigua, Columbia, Panama, Nicaragua, and El Salvador

What we're doing: Over 90,000 operations and procedures will be performed. Not only medical, but also dental, veterinary, engineering and much, much more.

How I'll be involved since I get squeamish over a sliver: Non medical volunteer doing a bunch of stuff that is still undefined. I'll be the team leader for June and July. What does that mean? the navy requested that there be a team leader to brief with them each day. I make assignments for onshore stuff and solve problems. I love solving problems. I was also introduced as the official photographer. Pressure? nah.

Weather news: We are traveling during the beginning of hurricane season. They hope we are out of there early enough to miss it all, but in the event of disaster our project will change and we'll go wherever there is need.

Sad, but manageable news: No real internet. Which means I will be blogging via proxy. Dad will be the new cat. I'll be able to post thru him and view comments thru my military email address. Where there is a will there is way.

We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are. - anais nin

The Awesome's new loo

2009-03-22T21:45:00.008-06:00

It has been the talk around here for some time now to remodel The Awesome's bathroom. Grandma mentioned wanting to update the room awhile ago and I'm sure that is what sparked the idea. Somehow it became a while you were out, extreme bathroom remodel involving the entire family, including those out of state even.

Intricate plans were laid. My parents coincidentally came to do their taxes while Grandpa and Grandma made their annual pilgrimage to Phoenix to relax and enjoy some fun in the sun.
I was given the task to come up with a color scheme. {sigh. why do they make me do the hard stuff?} The inspiration: towels found at Ross a month or so ago. The aqua blue brought out unexpected blue swirls in the existing laminate making everything come together beautifully.

Construction began early Monday morning when the one man demo team {aka Doug} showed up. He scraped, sanded, and ripped his way through the bathroom with Michele there doing her thing as well. I couldn't believe how much work they got done that first day! {for more details on the work done while I was at school/work check the Frybaby and PBPB blogs}The above picture is what the bathroom looked like at the end of Day One.

Day Two {Tuesday} I found the women still tearing it up {or should I say putting it down} with their regular zest after 7 pm. Doug, Michele {and Tony too}, Kris and Terry all put in long hours each day.
Day Three and Four {Wednesday and Thursday} were more of the same. More painting, scrubbing, caulking, the new toilet went in, details were being worked on.

Day Five {Friday} Carpet Day
We found ourselves in a tight pinch without any carpet laying expertise.

We called in a professional to save the day. {thank you Bry}

My dad and Bry are buddies now so it was necessary to take a few breaks to play.

The finishing touches came together Friday night. I'm impressed with how smoothly the project went. Again, I was gone during the day so I was being true to the designer stereotype doing the fluffy stuff and mostly missing out on the real labor.

Happy Awesome 66th Anniversary!!

edmonds grandma

2009-03-21T18:06:00.007-06:00

heaven had an angel come home today. My dad's mom, Marva, passed away this morning. While we are all sad about her passing, more than the sadness I feel assured that she was met by many people who went before her who loved her as much as we all do here. I look forward to a year from now when we can do her temple work and she can be sealed to my grandpa.

She blended two things I love to do; speed walking and shopping. She would peruse the morning paper for deals to get an idea of where the bargains were hiding, put on her walking shoes, and away she went. When I was young it was difficult to keep up with her, I'd do a combo skip-run to keep up. She wasn't messing around. When you went on a walk with Grandma you knew you were on serious business.

She had diabetes for as long as I can remember so her purse was the source of some interesting sugar free treats. I can't say I like sugar free candy, but it was fun to try one if she offered. Her fridge was always stocked with sugar free/caffeine free Pepsi and sugar free Klondike bars. She made the most amazing pies.

Night time rituals were something I looked forward too. She'd check her sugar level and then have a piece of toast with peanut butter and a banana on top. {still a favorite of mine} She pronounced favorite like favoright.

She and I pulled out the photo albums a couple visits ago and she told me stories behind some of her favorite pictures. She paused on one of herself when she was young and made the comment, "I was beautiful once." I think she was beautiful always.

She loved the color orange. Still to this day if I see anything particularly beautiful and orange my first thought is my grandma would like that. I might have thought that today when I saw this flower, but I could just be sentimental now.
I loved when she and my grandpa would sit in their matching recliners and hold hands across the divide. I loved her wild socks and pretty lipsticks. I loved the predictability of meals at their house. Always with sunflower seeds in a pringles can and the option of blue cheese salad dressing.

I was her 'pin-up' girl. In the main bathroom at their house hangs a poster size black and white photo of me posing by the tub, in my birthday suit, with one leg up on the toilet seat {keeping me modest} and this crazy grin on my face. I'm maybe 3? It's hung there since the picture was taken. I should probably be embarrassed but I've always felt pretty cool to be the grandkid with the big picture in the bathroom.

We love you Grandma.

long gone

2009-03-19T08:50:00.003-06:00

butterfly mobile {breeze not pictured}
7 pm sunset + light switch = sparkles {grandma's hallway}

I did something yesterday I've wanted to do for years. {pictured below} I like the cut a lot more than I like the way it looks in these pictures. It took me maybe 5 minutes total to wash it and do it this morning.
partners in crime. Or maybe I should say 'crimeless partners'. We went and had background checks and had our fingerprints taken. One more thing to check off the list of things to do before we go. Next: immunizations and missionary papers. YES! Real missionary papers. How did the timing get so perfect that I could work in a mission type experience between semesters?

getting down with tinky winky

2009-03-18T09:38:00.004-06:00

I've been needing a Seaira fix and thought I'd share the video because it makes me laugh every time I watch it.

Seaira has an insane love for the Tellytubby's theme song. Any form of it, humming, singing, or in this case, Yung ju playing it on her Gayageum. She couldn't help but bounce.

{I think that's what the instrument is called? It's a beautiful ancient string instrument and Yung ju is on a scholarship and top of her class. I wish I had a video or her playing. }

going green

2009-03-17T13:05:00.004-06:00

fitting that this holiday falls at a time when 'green' is the focus of my design life. sustainability, LEED, eco friendly... I love green; both the color and the movement to treat our earth better. Told you I'm a hippie deep down.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

half division of march

2009-03-15T18:28:00.004-06:00

I never intended to be your official meteor source, I do write about the weather a lot though. Sushicat's official report: Spring is here. {for today at least}

Reasons I know:
my bones are thawing out, shivering is at an all time low
I put on an outfit this morning that has been an easy quick decision, but today, it depressed me with it's lack of color. Instead I changed and put on something bright. It felt so much better.
the bees are back. What do they do all winter? Sleep? Snack on honey?

I just spent the last hour on the porch reading my religion homework {eternal marriage}. I can still feel the sun on my skin.

From my reading today I learned what a Plimsoll mark is. It's on the side of a ship and when it is level with the water, the ship has reached it's load capacity. It was passed in 1868 in the British Parliament that all ships would have this mark. The result has been fewer deaths at sea. Good job Plimsoll.

Same goes for our relationships with friends and family. "...people have differing capacities at different times and even different days in their lives. In our relationships we need to establish our own Plimsoll marks and help identify them in the lives of those we love.. monitor the load levels and be helpful in shedding or at least readjusting... until stabilized."

I like this metaphor. Anything to do with ships seems to catch my attention these days, can't imagine why.

Thank you for keeping me afloat.

undefined

2009-03-12T21:46:00.005-06:00

In a required general study class we are given a personality test. I have never been a big fan of tests like this. Of course I'm curious and it can be entertaining, but I don't really care. Reading over the answers I have a hard time picking just one. I could answer with all honesty a few different ways, why must I only answer by darkening one scan tron bubble? I get caught up with details like, do I 'always' feel this way, or do I 'sometimes' feel this way. And this one answer will then define me. I don't like it.

This test says I am an 'I' with a strong 'C'. {contradicts the color test since 'I' is most like 'yellow' and I'm not a 'yellow'. I'm a white/blue if you must know.}

A common conversation I eavesdrop on around campus is, of course, about what letter defines this person and, now completely versed in the test, they are predicting the fate of those who haven't taken the test yet.

My friend just took the test so this started up a fresh round of who are you questions?

I'm Jenna, don't you know that?

No! Who are you?

Oh, that, I'm an IC but I don't put much merit in the test.

Experienced and enthusiastic observers exclaim, 'OH! That is such a C thing to say!'

This gives me opportunity to spout off about how I don't like to be pegged but I stop myself because it would only compound the believers faith in the test that I am, indeed, a blasted C.

SO I took the test, and came out an I and a C. But the great thing is that out of the class I was one of two students who's test results were unreadable. When this happens you are supposed to take the test over because basically I failed the test. Personality? undefined.

This gives me great pleasure. "I cannot put my feelings in scan tron bubble form."

pardon my absense

2009-03-11T16:50:00.005-06:00

I was getting ready this morning when Frybaby said from the other room, "I'm sick of looking at this boat!" {code: update your blog already}

but that boat is the very reason why haven't updated the cat. I could, but it'd be lists of things that are running through my head, most of the time quicker than I am able to follow.

I'm dreaming about eco friendly dryers and in my waking hours I'm hunting down the eco friendly dryers I dreamt about. Amongst this frenzy of school work I'm making lists of stuff to round up. Mosquito repellent, laundry detergent, rx's...what was that other thing I really needed? uum... I've resorted to keeping a post it and a pen next to my bed for 4 am reminders.

things I'm loving/grateful for right now:

checking things off my lists
talking to mom because we are both so excited
the gorgeous weather
grandparents
friends
calm
Frybaby and her 'sunshine'
temple nite with the family {wish you could all be here}
guardian angel types {7 year anniversary of walking away from my ultimate rollover stunt unharmed}

all aboard the USNS Comfort

2009-03-07T12:19:00.006-07:00

I'm taking my finals early and going on an adventure.

What I know: I leave in less than a month. We hit a bunch of countries in the Caribbean and South America. The medical volunteers do somewhere around 5000 surgeries in the 4 months we're traveling. The USNS Comfort does amazing things.

My mom was invited to go for a rotation to give her medical expertise {for the month of May}. She gave me the email for the lady in charge on Sunday after she told me my plans to go work in Europe on a farm were faulty. The coordinator wrote back and said all the non medical volunteer positions were full. Thursday night I got an email asking if I was still available. Of course. Five minutes later {no joke} she had emailed back to let me know I was in and I was filling out forms and getting my flights.

More details when I know some myself. Personally I'm good with the little details I have. All I really care about is I'm going to be a part of something that is changing lives and know it will change mine too.

prickly weeds

2009-03-05T23:19:00.007-07:00

I'm up to my elbows in projects and while I'm downloading, drafting, creating a power point and researching this guy {um, I heart Barclay} I thought I would say hey to my online friends and share a couple pics that started me in the direction I'm thinking of going for my final studio project. {Yep, I get inspired by prickly weeds.}

so far mixing those colors with a borrowed idea from the man, Corbusier: using lots of vertical lines to create the illusion of space - and I'm feeling pretty good about things thus far. I'm going to need every vertical line I can get {without being obvious} to make my teeny tiny 524 square foot loft look spacious. Even if the living space is only 15'x10'...

Can you imagine fitting your lifestyle into a kitchen/dining/living area within a 15'x10' space? I'm going to make it work somehow bc every inch of the rest of my sq footage is eaten up in other awesome ways. thank heaven for 'loft sized' appliances.

crazy to me that after each project I get completely burned out and i never want to pick up my scale again. Then a couple hours into the next one and I've forgotten how tired I was and somehow it all becomes exciting again. What is this addiction?

Thrown for a loop

2009-03-03T20:18:00.006-07:00

Thrown for a loop is what I decided to call my 'emo' painting. I wanted to show the commonality I see in the events in my life. Even the hard to understand or appreciate experience is beautiful. While I'm struggling my way through it and I can't see it for what it is completely, once I reach the other side I can see where I was from a new perspective. Hopefully a new height. What felt like separate events all start to come together as combined experiences that make life fulfilling and something to be grateful for. The lighter colors on one side and the darker on the other go along with the fight between the wolves I mentioned in the last post and about rising above difficult times and finding hope in the process...blah blah blah... I'm so bone tired of all the sifting.

Writing about it is a little easier than my attempt at presenting my concept this afternoon. I knew it was going to be hard, but the public meltdown is something that will go down in my book for one of my personally most horrifying moments ever. Ever. I'm still wondering who that person was. Body snatcher. I think that's the story I'll stick with if anyone asks.

It looks like a harmless swirly pattern, but I put it all in there. I poured all my sadness and worry into this painting. It was therapeutic and the timing for the project was divine. I couldn't have been that focused on any other assignment.

signs of life

2009-03-01T19:26:00.007-07:00

it was a stretch to find anything showing signs of acknowledging the arrival of March outside today. After awhile, it became the game of the day and I was happy to find these hopeful yellow buds a couple blocks over in one of my favorite gardens.

Growing up, my science teacher Mrs. Taylor had this love for nature that was easy to get caught up in. She had us press our ears into the grass one afternoon and asked if we could hear the earth's heartbeat. Even at that young age, when I was generally accepting, I thought she was pushing it. I'm actually sure Jackie and I laughed about the idea. But the thought has stuck with me over the years and maybe I'm asking for it now too, but I kinda like thinking about funny things like that. Especially when the seasons are changing when there is something in the air. Fission? {Call me what you want to call me.}

Enough of my tree-huggerish ramblings, on a whim, I applied for an au pair position in Greece yesterday. I'll hear back from them by the end of the week. Now that would be something different wouldn't it? I have 2 months to kill between semesters and hope to come up with something along the lines of international adventure dome. An internship would be ideal, but really, I'm up for anything.

a cool Cherokee parable if you are in the mood:

“A fight is going on inside me, it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.

One wolf is evil. He is fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, jealousy, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, competition, superiority, and ego.

The other is good.

He is joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too.”

His grandchildren thought about it for a moment, and then one child asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee replied simply, “The one you feed.”