last year's today

I have a sick fascination with comparing the present day with the one from last year {please tell me I'm not the only one who does this} Ask anyone who knows me well, I remember random things about a year ago today all the time. It's a favorite past time of mine. And it gets worse, I usually know exactly what I was wearing, and sometimes what you were wearing too.}

Ben knows all about this weird habit of mine. If I start out by saying 'Remember when..' he'll say 'No, but what were you wearing? What was I wearing?'

Today last year I packed up my {'sometimes working' - name that movie} car to the ceiling with 'just the essentials' and moved my existence northward. If you remember the post from that day {I do, AND I remember what I was wearing!} I was pretty torn up about moving.

I knew I could go back if I hated it here and I could visit as much as I wanted when I got 'desert sick'. Funny though that I haven't gotten back to my heaven on earth as much as I would have thought I would.

Introspective is just the tip of the iceberg for describing the overall mood I've been in for what seems like forever. I hesitate to ever bare my soul on my blog because it has a funny way of coming back to me. Sometimes I wish I had my anonymity as a blogger so I could say whatever I felt like saying and I knew my dear readers wouldn't think 'Oh we know why she's saying that, she's homesick or emotional or she did break up with her kinda boyfriend and yada yada...' but whatever, I'll expound and let you think whateva you want to think.

In my drafting class today we were going over a quiz and as a bonus question we were asked what we most liked/disliked about the course so far.

One girl was brave enough to honestly answer that she hates drafting with a passion. But as she has hated it and struggled over the details of it she ended up crying as she told us about the pride she has felt in accomplishing something even with how much she has hated every minute of it. I think we all felt for her because we've all felt like crying sometime in the hours spent each week painstakingly putting in all the details that are required for a good drawing.

Control is what it all comes down to for me. And not just with drafting. Sticking through the hard stuff so that once I'm done I can see the overall design. Each week I see improvement, and the more that is required of me I think about how impossible this would have felt had I not put in the hours the week prior so that I could build on that knowledge to understand what I'm being asked to do this week...

Do you see where I'm going with this? I know this is just such common knowledge. Pretty much exactly what we're all here doing right? Line upon line... I just need to be reminded sometimes because I really do forget that I'd be miserable if I were in control of the outcome of my life because I'd always be skipping to the part where I get what I think I want. I get so wrapped up in the details, sucked in to trying to make everything work, that I forget that if I ease up a little everything has a tendency of falling into place. Like rummycube....

Yeah, life lessons learned from my favorite board game and another girls break down after an all nighter drawing section views of cabinets. But last year today I wasn't thinking about this at all, I was wondering what kind of new adventures I would find, I was worried about my giant mirror packed under all my stuff in the backseat {and for good reason, it died that very night} I was looking forward to silly things that no longer matter...

I am so grateful for progress even if my favorite game of looking back at last year's today can sometimes give me a mean bittersweet blow to the kneecap {or funnybone? Hurts so good?} Next year looking back at today I'll wonder how I ever could have thought that this was as good as it gets cuz it just keeps getting better.

Still reading? Goodness. Go to bed.