Among the boxes

Today has been so surreal. It felt like my last day in St. George even though I'll be back at the end of the summer for work, and even next week on the way to Vegas, but today felt final.

I packed up the rest of my stuff at the office, turned off the radio (which I never do for some reason) and locked the door with a long look behind me. It felt really, really sad. An end to a business and a lot of subtle things I can't put names to.

Jana ultimately decided to close like I thought she would and we'll be having a big 'summer' sale when I get back. She wants to keep it quiet that we are closing the doors for good.

Today reminded me of three movies (at least) rolled into one. This part of the day was totally You've Got Mail, I could hear Meg Ryan's monologue about the Joni Mitchel and letting go of her business.

Before this I had such a typical day I couldn't have asked for a better last day. I was whiling away the afternoon when Signe came over and said the usual one word "market?" which I responded in normal form by grabbing my change and heading off for our daily walk to the store. We never finish our conversations on these walks so we go to her studio to enjoy our snack and check out whatever cool thing she is up to these days. (Today it was loleta, holy smokes) and she gave me the usual giblets of wisdom I've come to expect from her. I had a cloud of indecision in my brain the last few days and with her very blunt way she straightened me out right quick and I will really miss her advice and pitch perfect taste.

While the plan was to hurry home and get the rest of my packing done Laurie called and asked if I was up for dinner, I totally was, so we spent the time chatting and missing each other already.

I fought tears on the way to the restaurant so I wasn't surprised as I fought them again leaving. And this is where the other two movies come in to play.

I thought of Spanglish first when they are leaving Mexico and the little girl is allowed one tear, that's all, and then they would go. So I thought, Ok. One tear. So I continued to kinda cry, but no actual tears. Then of course, The Holiday came to mind when she tries and tries to cry and I thought Oh this is pathetic! so now I'm laughing and crying and not really thinking about my allotted one tear anymore.

I enjoyed my drive home, it is overcast and really muggy (LOVE it) and as I looked around my car at all my scraps of projects and fabrics, paint paraphernalia etc etc I started to lose it again. Each scrap represented to me part of the life I've built for myself here. My job could not possibly frustrate me more for the fact that I've reached the limits but the journey to this point has been an incredible one for me and so satisfying. I can say I've made the most of every opportunity that came my way here and tried and failed at so many things.

A day like today might be making me wonder what will come next and make me laugh and cry all at once but in a month (or six) I'll be able to look back and see the direction my life has taken because of the decision to let go of all the familiar favorite things and stretch.

The car is packed to capacity and ready to go. I just wasn't ready yet until I got in one last blog in from this life. "Onto the next."