Out of this world

Isn't this photograph amazing? I love it! While I was thinking of what I could write about today I found this picture and it came with some thoughts from the photographer who took it and he pretty much summed up exactly how I was feeling when I went to the temple today, minus the despair, quite opposite actually, but you get the point.

"As you enter this place of holiness, cast aside your earthly cares and lay your worrisome burdens at His feet. Here in His house you will find refuge from the tormenting winds of temptation and the withering heat of worldly pressures. As you immerse your soul in His peace, He will wipe away the tears of despair from your eyes. Your heart will be filled from living fountains of pure waters, and as mortality gently fades, you will, for a moment, embrace the riches of eternity." ~ Kendall Davenport

My drive home tonight was so pretty. It was better than this with the sun hitting the clouds but the time I lost racing to the house for my camera and then back down the street to the golf course made all the difference.

Visitors!

I love visitors! And I have some today even. Grandma and Grandpa stopped in for a visit on their way home from Phoenix this afternoon. Grandma is making her sunday calls and Grandpa is on the bed watching a game. It's nice to have family and tradition isn't it?
We went out to dinner, Grandma and I have been chatting it up while Grandpa takes it easy. When she's done with her calls I plan on some mad games of Rummycube.
My weekend has been really nice. Laurie's wedding was beautiful. At the end of the ceremony she had her first dance with Rick and a dance with her dad too. I've never seen that before. She's always breaking out and doing something fun and new. Circleville is one of my favorite places to visit so I was glad for the excuse to go. One stop light, one tiny gas station and a grill and a bunch of dairy farmers tucked up in the mountains, ever heard of Cache Valley Cheese? They are the farmers creating that yummy stuff. Claim to Fame: Butch Cassidy once had a hideout there. So can you guess the variations of names for the collective grill, gas and store? Butch Cassidy's Hideout. Right you are.
Other than the beautiful drive and wedding fun I've caught up on some sleep and 'puttered' around the house. (I can putter because I live in the right area of retirementville and that's what we do here) I've had a loooong week so all I've wanted to do is relax and that's all I've really done.

My week was full of technical problems at work, computer on the fritz sending our strangely chaotic yet organized system into even more frantic chaos with bids piling up. A power outage due to lack of payment (oops Jana) that made everything come to a halt again. I even got a traffic ticket for the first time in years in the midst of my endless errands of shopping for clients, picking up and dropping off paint samples, etc etc etc. I was relieved when he walked up and I knew him, when he saw me he said, 'oh crap, I know you!' I thought I would breeze my way through this one, but I knew I was out of luck when he called me ma'am, apologized, wrote the ticket and then promptly asked for my number...grief! Like I'm going to give it to him right?!

I've started in with the client I mentioned before, we have paint colors picked out and I'll start doing the decorative finishes next week when I can devote more time to it. I think I'll find someone to subcontract the flat paint stuff because I can't get myself excited about just painting to paint.

Well, Grandma is about done with her calls, I think she is trying to pawn Cooper the Bull Dog off on Brian.. any one know any one who wants a big dog?

Off to school Grandma on the ways of the cube. :) why did we ever start calling it Rummycube anyway?

Wedding Season

It's wedding season, I have one this weekend, another next weekend, a friend in Korea the next week, not that I'm planning on attending that one, and another one the weekend after that.
I made this card for Laurie, hers is the one this weekend, it's in Circleville, I'm so excited for all of them. I like weddings.

And speaking of affairs of the heart.. could you guys help me out with something please? I'd like a few questions that I can ask as I try to get to know Mr. Right, not that I don't already ask a lot of them! I'm sure you'll all come up with some good ones I haven't.

After having so many of the people closest to me admit to thinking I was making a mistake I really want my family to be involoved in my decisions (to a point of course!) I can make up my own mind, I have faith in myself and the Spirit but I also love my support team and value your opinions. So who wants to interview a guy I've found who I really like? I'd love some family feedback! It's pretty funny, I totally 'googled' him because I wanted to make sure he was for real. He is. But far, far away so don't be worried that I'll go off and make any rash decisions! I like to tell myself that the timing isn't the greatest to meet such a cool guy. I'm supposed to be single for forever and be totally miserable for a long time first right? But who can ever say anything about timing? So, any takers on some email interviews?

random thoughts of others

I haven't been getting much sleep as of late, so instead of sharing my own sleep deprived thoughts I'll share some I've come across in the last few days that for some reason I've scribbled down on little scraps of paper. See if you cultured people know the first one, I didn't. I'll give u a clue: It's a musical.

There's only us, there's only this, forget or life is yours to miss, no other road, no other way. No day, but today.

If you can't be a positive example, you'll just have to serve as a terrible warning.


When you can't sleep, don't count sheep, talk to the shepherd.

Traditions keep us safely in the sweet embrace of the familiar; they are narrative touchstones that anchor us in the stories we've learned to tell about ourselves. -Darcy Cosper

And an all time fav from Anais Nin, "Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born."

I threw in some pictures of Traditions because I think the traditions quote would be fun on our wall, we sell the vinyl lettering and need a good quote to use as a sample. The glass wall containers I included at the top are my favorite item we got at the last market. I used that pic on a color board I'll be showing a big client today. I don't know if I mentioned in that last entry about work a few days ago, but I'm totally working my plan to fit myself in as a decorator instead of 'catch all' for the bosses. So far, so good, today I should see if it's going to work, if she'll give me a real chance. We both have ideas for this client, I've been working on a presentation for mine like I think clients would appreciate instead of the guessing game we normally play as we put a room together because Jana likes the surprise element and keeping the client in the dark as much as possible... I'm hoping she appreciates this so Jana sees that my way has potential of taking a lot of stress out of our lives. Who wants to be surprised by decorating? Have u seen how "While you were out" usually plays out? Lots of crying and potential maiming of the people in on the secret.

Lady Mountain

I'm walking like I've been beaten up and left for dead. I did this most amazing hike this weekend and I knew I would be sore seeing how it was a pretty brutal beginning to a season full of outdoor adventure.

The hike is in Zion National, called Lady Mountain and hasn't been on the park maps since the 60's due to danger and many rescues and deaths {the guys told us it this way for added hype I think}

It's an incredible hike, in less than 4 miles it climbs 2670' in elevation. It was the first trail created in Zion in 1924, the website says women used to climb this trail in long dresses and heels! I had my Keens on and still have a couple rub marks. The website goes on to say, "This hike is not for everyone, in fact few do and should ever attempt it. The park no longer maintains the route so the few that attempt the hike must be experienced climbers. The remnants of the trail now involve 4th and 5th class exposed climbs and pitches and the hiking section of the trail is steep with slippery slopes and long drop offs. The slope is narrow, steep, sandy and covered in loose rocks. Toward the top of the mountain are the never ending steps. The top of the trail looks like a tan colored hoodoo."

My friend Cheryl invited me so the six of us set out mid morning, Cheryl, Jared, Amanda, Tom, a pup named Yetty, and me. When we reached the first climb Cheryl backed out. I can understand her hesitance, she's had nightmares of being a scab in a white dress for their wedding next week so she and Yetty turned back and went on a few smaller hikes while we continued on.

It got pretty difficult near the top, there were a couple of different times where I crawled along a second longer than necessary until I could find the strength to lift myself up just one more step and one more boulder before regaining momentum and carrying on.

The views were as breathtaking as you would expect from the top of a national park. I was seeing the other side of vistas I've only ever scene from the beaten path. We were looking down behind The Three Patriarchs and Angels Landing. I thought I was on top of Zion when I've hiked Angels Landing in the past but it is more than 1000 feet below where I stood at it's peak height of 1700 feet.

I've completely lost it

Oh yeah, that's right. It's official now, I've gone mad. I went to lunch yesterday with a couple of friends, one who is a stylist and should have lots of cute clients right? None to think of actually, so they gang up on me and tell me repeatedly to 'go online' What? Seriously? So what do I do when I get home last night? Yeah... I'm now one of the newest members on LDSSingles.com.

I'm ready for much of anything really, just some new friends that I can take to all the upcoming weddings I have coming up this month! Or maybe I should go solo, I hear weddings are good places to meet people? Wow, this is just a whole new world to me, I've never been the dating widely type. But I'm forcing it upon myself because I think it'll be a good thing once I get used to it.

I met with a client this morning to get some pictures and measurements for window treatments. She has great taste and some fun spaces that I've got all sorts of ideas for. I've never done the decorating thing on my own, all my clients are for painting projects or special art pieces so when Jana gets back from Sea World I'm going to pitch the idea that I'd like to be in charge of this one. It's time to take some initiative instead of being the back up girl with out the pressure of making the job go off with out a hitch. I'm excited, I hope she likes the idea. She should, she has a couple other projects in process so this would be the perfect time to hand this one off. Did I mention the clients budgets is the biggest one I've ever seen while working for Jana?

20+ hour flight

My parents left around 3 this afternoon for Africa. So with 7 hours under their belts, they only have maybe 16 hours to go or around that long. Wow. Only I guess they also have the 8 hour layover in London to look forward too. I would take advantage of such a long layover, would you? I'd go out and find one of those red buses and do something you could only do in England. So really, they are less than a third through the trip right now! What could you possibly do with all that time? I only know one person who can sleep properly on flights, and I swear he is borderline narcoleptic. I feel for them but if I know my dad he's studying something along the lines of Forex or if he's lucky has has some kind of owners manual to play with. And my mom? If they would only let her take on a needle she could sew the whole way there. I told her to hide it, but what a way to start out your mission being held by authorities for a concealed weapon. Just the thought of being in a plane that long makes me want to run around just because I can!
PS Did you know the Black Mamba snake who lives in Africa can travel at 10 MPH?

Ginko Trees

"Shee wan sheop sheop sayo" This saying doesn't have an exact translation and I'm not even really sure I've got it exactly right, but it means something along the lines of: Even though I'm moving on and I'm sad, I'm excited too and I'll take this experience with me. A friend taught me it the day I left Korea and it kinda applies in my life again wouldn't you think? I did just have a big harry blog entry that went on about all my thoughts on this but I decided against it. I'm working on keeping my e-forms of communication simple right now. I'll tell u a story to support this reasoning, since it puts Signe into fits of hilarity, if you like? Oh, why not?
OK, so Amy set me up with a cute guy a long time ago, her brother in law. "He's perfect for you!" she raves, even his stepmom got in on this and still bugs Amy to this day about the failure of the love that wasn't. Good intentions both of them, but honestly. Anyway, he did turn out to be a good efriend. I emailed him from Korea. He was a really cool, funny guy when I did meet him but because of life that's all there is to that. And while Amy had big plans of setting us up again now in the present I thought epals was more me at the moment. So I decide to email said epal when things settled down in my life and I never heard back from him. Oh well right? Well, Signe is pretty interested in my life as it is these days (a source of entertainment maybe?) and said I should put another email out there (I'm not sure I should admit to this but since I'm already telling this silly story, what the heck? Signe also coached me on how to word the perfect email to get a response. Pathetic? Yeah, a bit! But I don't take this stuff too seriously, we were bored and she was talking about being "The Emailer" so there you have it) And guess what? I get an email back within hours. She really is gifted. So while I'm chatting with the folks on messenger that very night I was goofing off writing a pretend response to The Epal. Of course I'm not sending THIS response, I learn quick my friends. My emails get responses in a month, Signe should proof read and tell me where I'm going wrong, right? (Yes, in the real world I shouldn't bother. If I'm supposed to have an efriend it would be. With out the aid of "The Emailer" but alas, the madness continues in a very messed up Cyrano de Bergerac type story) So I'm goofing off as I told you when the email just disappears....my computer informs me that my message has been sent. Seriously. Come on!! Then and there I know I've ruined all chances at being cool. This is my life right now! You can guess the outcome, I never did hear back from my epal because he most likely thinks I'm estalking him or basically, an efreak. And there you have it. Signe almost punched me when I told her that yes, she is a genius, and no, we won't be writing any more emails cuz I already killed it in an awful fluke technical malfunction. And can I tell you I have learned my lesson! What's that you ask? OK, maybe I haven't learned anything.... I do still giggle to myself when I tell this story to myself! Hopefully I wrote it in a way you could see the humor.
I guess my blog is becoming a log of events in the aftermath of divorce. I didn't expect a lot of the aspects of divorce, unrelated to the story I just told but a thought I've had today anyway. It's like a weird sense, probably imagined, that people look at me like I'm broken, damaged, or baggage ridden. Where would I get this idea? I guess because I've thought it myself about other divorced people, we all know what happens when you make assumptions?
And you are my lucky audience for the stories that come out of living this reality I never saw myself in. What will I come up with next?

movies and such

I don't have much to report except I'm happy it's the weekend and I was pretty excited when I just read in this months W Magazine that one of my favorite books I read this year is being made into a movie. The Nanny Diaries was a fun read, and that's what I've been eating up as of late, I just can't get enough of these girly books, but no worries, I throw in a good spy thriller now and again to even things out. And after reading Cara's list of Top Reads I have my work cut out for me.
I guess sometimes making a movie out of a good book can be bad thing, like Da Vinci Code or Harry Potter... I love the fun way JK Rowlings writes her books way more than the movies. But it can also be a good thing. I LOVED Sense and Sensibility, and Meryl Streep was a picture perfect image of what I imagined the crazy boss should look like in Devil wears Prada.

So I have high hopes that Scarlette Johansson and Alicia Keyes live up to the characters I have imagined, but I have no doubt they will, Johansson is one of my all time fav actresses and Alicia Keyes is just flat out one talented chic.

And in other news, since my missionary parents have been too sick and too tired to write on their blog I'll give u a mini report cuz I'm sure you are all interested. I talked to mom this morning, they are done with their training, so they will spend the next few days catching up on sleep and laundry and getting in some Sports Dance competions at the Y. Mom said, "We're excited and scared!" a bunch of times in her cute croaky voice. I think catching a virus might be something you just do when you go to the MTC? They will be the only welfare missionaries serving 5 countries so they have their work cut out for them! They head to Africa on the 12th, with a 20+ flight and a 8 hour layover in London I'm sure they will be glad to get there and get to work. Be grateful when you are throwing in your regular sized laundry load and think of them, their washer/dryer will only be able to wash a couple of items at a time when they get to Africa, crazy!

Spring Fever

I woke up to a morning that looked a lot like this one (only this photo was taken on a vacation we took to the coast when mom came to visit the country of morning calm, and rightly called that. B-E-A-utiful! Name that movie and u win a prize. I'm still trying to use up all my random photographs that I love)

After a balmy 70 degrees yesterday I was bummed to go back to winter and grudgingly changed my shorts I wanted to bust out for a warm sunny day. I was pleasantly surprised though when the clouds cleared out for another spectacular spring day.

I got into the 'spring' (I heard puniness is silly, but what do I care?) of things and came home after work and planted my flowers I bought last time I thought it was spring, then I had to bring them all inside while things got nasty again for a minute. I picked all of my favorites: geraniums, daisies, and my very favorite, Gardenias! But I'm worried I'll kill those with the help of the ultra dry climate here. I'll try my best to keep them happy, but I don't have much of a gardening gene, so..bless their little hearts for coming home with me. Then I dusted off some sweet lights that my mom passed on to me from Grandmas house, u guys know the ones they have up on the back patio? The cool retro 50ish style flower ones? Ok, I don't know what I'm talking about, but I'll take some pictures and let u be the judge of how cool they are!

I took advantage of the fantastic weather to take Ben's Camaro for a spin around the neighborhood a few times too! Nothing like a fast car and my own built in race track. ie our ultra quiet block. JK, I write this to scare my dad, and maybe Ben, but I don't think he's into blogs.



Tomorrow the boss n I are heading to Vegas on a mission to find the worlds largest magnifying glass. To be found at none other than Pottery Barn Kids, who else would have one right? It's a self assignment really, Jana is already on to decorating her next house and this monster is on sale. We have a couple other rooms we are working on that warrant a trip to the 'big city'. Plus I have some Christmas gift cards to burn so I'm syked!

Double Wammy

While chatting online with the folks tonite I was digging around in the pictures saved on this computer my dad so kindly left behind for me to take over. So in no real order I'm sharing them with you. Nothing like a little photogumbo to get the memories flowing

Good ol' KC!! He moved into this garbage can shortly after he was banned from the house. It fits him and his grumpy attitude. But he has everyone fooled. He's a softy at heart, I also ran across a pic of him cuddling me the day after I sprained my wrist bad snowboarding a couple of winters ago (I'm not sharing that photo, bad up the nose angel!) Good kitty.

This one is of all of us at the park near our apartment, the building in back of us with the crissy cross beams. There were 3 or 4 cool parks in our neighborhood that we frequented at all hours - parks were the busiest after dark in Korea to beat the heat. This park was my favorite cuz it was right on the river and had lots of open space and popsicle stands and the coolest toys (for the kids, of course)

This funky restaurant is in Fukuoka, Japan. While in Korea, I had to leave the country every 3 months on a 'visa run' to stay current on my traveling status. I didn't qualify for a work visa so this was the only way to stay for an extended time. I didn't mind. This trip was way better than the first one I did though. That one involved much bus time, a flight to Tokyo, and a looong night hanging out in the airport only to catch a flight back to Korea in the morning. All for a stamp in my passport. Hey, it was fun. But not as fun as wandering around Fukuoka for a few days totally enjoying balmy warm weather in the middle of the coldest winter I've ever experienced back in Seoul.

Our mode of transportation! We all loved this van. My first thought when I saw it was of Miles yelling, 'The Libyans are coming!!' He was yelling this over and over one funny trip to the airport when I was young and impressionable, I always crack up when Miles is along, he makes everything hilarious. I think it's from Back to the Future?

This van rocked! Cari and I had the sweetest seats. They were the second row and swiveled to face forwards OR backwards! If you held the latch up while turning a corner you could do a 360 with the momentum of the turn. Only tried this move a couple times, I didn't want to break my awesome seat, or get kicked out for monkeying around! Another cool feature: the steering wheel was on the right side. Ben loved getting looks for this feature. Once, we got pulled over and the cop was practically yelling with frustration (I think so at least, really, I always thought they were yelling) at Kwona to show him her ID (they were looking for a escaped convict, seriously) and she kept telling him 'But I'm not driving!'

RIP bad boy, Ben left it with Jon when they moved back to Seattle, and he killed it.

Last but not least, are they not the cutest? I know, your kids are cute too, but I'm their aunt so... ;) It looks to me like Dillon is protecting Devin, see the sword? I like the spidey theme too, they are both pretty much obsessed with Spiderman, I guess all little guys are? Keeping with the theme of Korea stories, Devin had this awesome Spiderman costume he wore A LOT there. Once he wore it to the park and the kids there SWARMED him saying "SPIDERMAN!!" "SPIDERMAN!!" and chatting to him in Korean. I wasn't there but mom said he was pretty freaked out by all the attention. What does he expect being a super hero and all?

SANCTUARY!

No, I'm not having a hunch back moment. I spent Saturday at the sanctuary in Kanab again with a bunch of dogs. I really can't think of a better way to spend an afternoon. When I checked in the guy said I could pick where I worked. I knew where I wanted to go but I didn't want to ask in case he needed help somewhere else. But he made my day when he told me to go to The Garden. (That is where Gibson lives.) Gib wasn't in his run so I was a mix of really excited and a little sad that he might have found a home.
I swept out the indoor part of the dog runs, cleaned off the dogie beds and made friends with about 14 dogs. I think it is so fun to see the different personalities (or should I say dogalities?) of all of my furry little friends. I walked about 12 dogs after I helped clean up. Clemence would be the first dog I'd take home with me. He was a mini Gib with his in your face personality and a strong desire to be scratched and loved. The guy who stole my heart though was Eddie. A golden boy with sad eyes and extremely shy. Brian, the caregiver was surprised I even got Eddie to come to me. On our walk Eddie didn't want to get too close, he'd give me a weary look if I moved towards him. I gave him lots of time to linger and sniff, I feel silly to admit, I talked to him a lot. Once while he spent some time sniffing I sat down in the sand to wait. He kept his distance, but kept an eye on me. He edged closer until I could scratch him. He seemed to warm to this and before I knew it he had his head resting on my shoulder totally loving the attention. He didn't like it if I looked at him, so I just scratched and talked. At the end of the day all the dogs were laying around relaxing, Tux was stretched out humming to himself, he's a cute dog featured on the website a lot, looks like he's wearing... a tux, u are so right!
Are you wondering where Gib was? I asked Brian if he knew Gib, and he said, "The tall guy with skinny legs?" Yup that's him, with a howl like no other? "OH YEAH! That's him, it's higher than all the other dogs and so different!" He told me Gib had left that morning on a mobile adoption to Vegas. So I won't know the outcome until next time but you'll be the first to know. Next trip up I'll go ask to go to The Clubhouse, maybe I'll get to see that other crazy mutt I love.
If I won a million dollars I would either A - move to Kanab, build an awesome house in the canyon and volunteer at BestFriends all the time and take home enough dogs to have a my own sanctuary at home. Or B - Start my own type of best friends somewhere and find people to help rehabilitate aggressive dogs because that's what the caregivers say is the hardest part there, they haven't found a way to help their aggressive dogs much so they never find homes.

Small Town

Pretend with for a minute that you are in my position, newly single and a little hesitant about going out and being in the land of the dating again. I thought I'd be fine with it, I feel fine 97% of the time, maybe a little shaky truthfully, but I think I'm dealing with it as well as anyone could. I have a weird unexplained fear of running into people I know in public who know me as Mrs. and having to explain to them why I'm out with someone other than Mr. Can you make sense of this?

So this is where the story of coincidences begin... I don't know what makes me want to tell this story. I guess it's just such a 'jois de vevre' type experience. (A joy for life? my own interpretation) and the funny way things become real clear to me in the most random events. Wish I could explain this better. It's 3 in the morning, give me a break! (yeah I took excedrin late in the day again, when will I learn?) Maybe I feel like sharing because I had the disappointment of a stinkin' Grey's rerun this week and I feel the need to fill that empty drama hole in my life?

I have a friend who I met a few years ago at the golf course. He was a caddy for a golfer on the PGA tour at the time so I saw him when they were in town. I had a serious boyfriend at the time and while I would love to spin this part of the story differently and make myself look like a better person than I was then, I ended up going out with this caddy friend of mine and kissing him and deceiving my boyfriend. Well, the boyfriend found out (because I told him) and decided he could forgive me and we moved on in our relationship, a pointless one at that since I knew I wanted more from life than until death do us part but who was I to remind myself of that simple fact when I thought I knew what I wanted? Oh, hindsight...

This caddy friend of mine (Garrett) and I have stayed in contact over the years through email mostly. We turned out to be able to be friends better than anything else so when he asked if I wanted to hang out tonight I was only just a little freaked out. Not because of him, I just knew it would hurt some to be out with someone other than my husband but I knew I needed to make that first step and who better to spend time with than a guy I could trust to be a friend right? Right.

He recently bought a condo so imagine my delight when he said he'd like input on it, we all know I LOVE DECORATING! It was a good way to get together, we picked out a bunch of cool stuff for his place and I had fun putting it all together for him. (I have a ton more ideas too, wonder when he'll tell me he's had enough decorating??) Ben and Kwona called while I was there and he was cool about me hiding out for a minute to talk to them. They asked how life was as of late. What can I say? Good, fine, boring, lonely, exciting, different, scary? What adjective best fits my ever changing feel for life? I told them my weirdness about not wanting to run into anyone and my desire to move away from it all. I couldn't explain it to them any better than I just tried to for you, so I figured I was being lame and Garrett and I went out to meet up with a bunch of his friends at a popular sushi bar in town.

This is the good part, the part that had Garrett and I totally cracking up after the fact. While we were waiting for our table Garrett says ever so casually, "Dallas is in there." Yup, Dallas, as in the boyfriend from the past. Not only was Dallas in there, but every_single_friend I had from that time were all inside the door looking out at me. A birthday party was to blame. It was the most strange experience I've had in at least awhile, though it rivals with a lot of things these days. I always knew I'd run into Dallas at some point. St. George is tiny like that. But of all days to see him since I saw him last more than 2 years ago, I'm with Garrett, who I also hadn't seen in as many years! Talk about timing! I felt like I was outside my body watching this all happen and laughing at someone other than myself! Although I keep in contact with some of those friends they were all still in the dark about my divorce. I don't advertise it. I could almost smell the engines burning in the rumor mill that is the underground heartbeat of St. George. It may be the biggest small town in existence. I am sometimes baffled at how we all connect somehow, its like that seven links to Kevin Bacon thing. I can meet someone totally new and in about a minute we've discovered we're practically related and best friends with all the same people and have the same stylist and vet, then we run into each other everywhere. I'm not kidding. It's a love/hate thing.

So not only did I face down a silly fear in a pretty big way, how many more people could I tell in one night that I was divorced? I also put to rest a feeling like I'd never not feel like I was missing out on my old life. Honestly, I haven't felt that way in a long time, but I don't know if I can explain to you what seeing this group of people from the outside would have done to me back when being in the mix was so very important to me. Something I never thought would happen, happened when I wasn't paying attention.. My goal of becoming a better centered person seems to be on track. All I felt was love for my old friends and didn't feel left out at all from the exciting but misdirected life I used to lead. I am happy to report progress. Did it take any of you as long at it's taken me to know who you are and stand up for it?

ps. are you wondering what the picture has to do with any of this? Nothing really, I just thought it was awesome and it fits for me in a unexplainable way. Courtesy of the talented artist MDK. I asked permission to use it, then went ahead and took it without consent, he wasn't up this early to tell me no. Thanks! :)

Ok, I promise I won't blog anymore in the middle of the nite. I'm tempted to delete this one and call it a night, but that's a good half hour of soul pouring and I don't want to have nothing to show for my insomnia in the morning!